Sunday, November 10, 2013

Run Over

We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over, so in a kindness there is at last one which makes the heart runover. 

~Ray Bradbury ~ Fahrenheit 451 ~ 


Or is it the other way around?

There is your vessel of love..tolerance…patience and forgiveness…drop by drop its filling itself and there is always one drop…hmm....

....at last the last one…the drop which will spill it …the one and only…and its over flooded..run over…

It doesn’t matter what kind of that drop was…the best time pass afterwards is to remember every drop which filled your vessel slowly…silently…except you can’t remember the last drop…the one which actually did it…

Every drop has its own story…you remember them but the moral of all those stories fill you with more hatred…more resentment…more anger and you feel like an IDIOT !

What an Idiot I was…hmm....it was obvious…very clear…transparent…everyone knows it going to happen…everyone was signalling me…everyone…except me…saw the truth…why I am so dumb?

What was I thinking…?

They say...after every storm there is calmness…no…nope…never….

After the storm there is always wreckage to take care of…there is so much destruction…the looses…the damage…the brokenness….and you are the only one…who have to face all that…

I mean even if you have people to take care of you…you actually can’t share the feeling…you have to keep it to yourself and keep it hiding too….because the sharing might start the blaming…it might trigger another storm…

What is the remedy?

There is none…once its done…its done…no turning back…every step will enhance the distance between the two…yes…that last drop is deadly enough to kill all the hopes…faith…believe and love…


Friday, November 8, 2013

Explanation Call

Everyone who is an employer or an employee knows what ~Explanation Call~ is…hmm...

Well...it is not literally a call…its a chit chat…one to one…closed door meeting…it is when in the position as an employee you made a mistake...blunder or when you make a decision which your employer was not expecting from a lousy employee like you…the Management ask you to come over a cup of tea…

hmm...though you will not be offered a cup of tea but instead(sigh)…after a brief salutations your higher will start making you feel like you do not deserve the position you held and it was with your sheer luck that you got the job….

Normally its not the person who took your interview because than s/he can not tell you that you were a mistake by the hiring department….the person will ask you for the reason…intention…the time you made such a horrible blunder but seldom give you time or space to talk…you will gasp for the space…and s/he is better trained to choke you…its like a fight…a dual…all the time…you are the one who will loose…unless you are at the other side of the desk…so if you are…this post is not for you…sorry for wasting your time.

In my 10 years of working experience…these Explanation Call are kind of treat for me…sometimes I deliberately do it to spent sometime with the HR and thus to take sometime out of the routine work…blink…

Once I remember I came out of the meeting room and a newly hired colleague asked me how it feels to be in there all alone with no one to back up…I gave her a big smile and with indifference…grace told her it was not a big thing for me…since all these HR has only one thing to do… to find the mistake and to pin point someone while I am so experienced now I literally do not take them seriously and this is the only way an employee can survive…shortly after giving her a lecture I learned that the HR personal who was with me before in the meeting room was actually with me that instant too...hmm...me and my lousy indifference...

But these office Explanation Calls are easy to handle…you explain…write…make note and either your explanation was accepted or rejected you feel contented that at least you were asked for it and the decision was not made on one side story. 

What I find difficult is the actual life explanation calls…which your parents…in-laws...peers…friends or even stranger time to time throws at you…you have to hit those with care to bounce them back…not to hurt your counter…and measured enough to satisfy the person.

There are different kind of people in your life…one of them are those who accept you the way you are…once they understand you they get along with you the way you want them to get along…hhmm...and there are people who try to make you feel guilty all the time…its not that they will ask or send you email to explain yourself ...but it is in their gestures…or the way they carry themselves with you…soon after a phone call…or a visit…they will start showing the signs…they signalled you with their little conversation here and there with other people who knows both of you…they will make metaphoric remarks between your talk and ignore you…

You don’t know how to explicate what is the wrong you did to them and how to clear things without hurting them more or even hurting your ego.

This becomes worst when these people are the one you care most in your circle of acquaintances. This is strange that these are the most intelligent people you know and do not expect them to behave like that…

I mean they whine always for freedom…free will on the other hand when it comes to their hand they usually force their own likes…dislikes on you.

I don’t like to explain myself...I never do...do all I can to avoid it…hmm....but if I do…it brings the resentment in me against the person forced me to do…I usually don’t want the people I care about to put me in the condition to explain myself because I know it will not help us...will not bring us close...but will grow the distance between us…one step…two step...viola…we are two distant colonies. 

But...hmm...what  can do…some people are like this !

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Experiment !

In 1946,Quaid-e-Azam declared:

“We do not demand Pakistan simply to have a piece of land but we want a Laboratory where we could experiment on Islamic principles.”

And I was just thinking that how many more years we will take to keep our experiment going on ?

Is this beloved Pakistan a mere experiment?

Or have we really sustain the same experiment from which we started our journey?

It seems now that even this beloved nation is on the experiments...hmm....we are still under the charge of not knowing what actually we need to do...who to vote...who to watch on television...who to promote...who to believe.

We are still not ONE...not choosen one...we are not the believer we are just the experiment...hmm....

hmm...what ever we are...I just can't stop loving you my beloved country. And that's the problem that even though you are an experiment you are very dear to so many people that may be some day their love will take you to a sustainable position and will astonish the whole world.

So cheers to you, beloved Pakistan !

May Allah protect you...keep you alive...keep you healthy...happy and give you strength today and always. Ameen.

Happy Birthday....hmm...


Saturday, August 10, 2013

Wedding Anniversary

Some questions are very simple yet so strange that when ever you think about it…you feel like loosing yourself…hmm...

On the cool evening of 11 August 2007…all the witnesses...relatives and moulana sahib ushered by my elder sister into my secluded room…and when I being asked for the acceptance of the marriage proposal…I shivered like a dry leaf…hmm...

I thought is there any chance of getting rid of it now…while all my relatives are here…my family has invested a good fortune on the ceremony…my husband to be is sitting outside already accepted and signed the marriage papers…no…than why so much hurdle…pretending…?

I felt a little burden on my shoulder of some kind hand…some one was patting my back and some one far away was making jokes…on my being quite and not at all responding to the moulana sahib’s questions…

I shivered…my hands were like made of stone…I can’t even hold the pen some one put into my hands to sign the papers…(nikkah nama)…and...hmm...

I felt some thing stuck into my right eye...I tried to rub that off and found out that it was a tear I was holding too long in my eye that it dried and became hard…there was a little restlessness in the room because of my being so mute...

I remembered that once I dreamed a dream…wrapped it up into the corner of my heart and thought it is safe there…secured by the feeling that nobody but me knew that it had been dreamed…that dream…which nestled in my heart stayed warm and hopeful.

Sometimes it grew a little brighter...sometimes it felt impossibly small and unlikely.

But it was precious to me and I trusted it above all the other dreams I ever dreamed.

And then came a day I let it go…though I was sure I couldn’t do it…but I survived somehow…letting go is painful yet it take you one step closer to your Maker…and so does I took a step closer to HIM.

Not only did my heart break...but my world stopped...my dreams died and I was left devastated it felt like failure to me!

I heard some where my Maker whispered to me…Wait and See…

That day..letting go of my dream – hurts…the not knowing and the wondering what happens now...felt like a cold wind blowing down on my heart…but in quite and unexpected ways...my Maker took the pieces of my heart and the pieces of the dream I had given away and built something NEW.

Although at first…the nikkah nama…the signature…the ceremony does not make any sense to me…I did it because I don’t have anything else in my life…I was at the dire state of doing anything to bring the change in my life…I was so tired and lonely of my being alone…and so I did sign the papers.

Every one starts congratulating my family…my mother cried…I heard my sisters consoling her…so many people so many voices and I didn’t even try to listen… I was praying…may be I was asking my Maker…what HE has in HIS mind now…I want to know…now what?

And again I heard HIM whispering….DREAM ON…

I’ve dreamed a lot of dreams in the days since...hmm....but I have now learned how to let some of them go.

I’m still learning not to wrap them up in the depths of my heart...but instead to hold them up in my hands to God.

I’m learning to trust Him with all of my dreams.

Life is made for dreaming big dreams. Some of them are meant for holding on to...and some are meant for letting go.

Some dreams are meant for a season...and some are meant to last a lifetime.

So keep dreaming big dreams…but let HIM be the sculptor...the re-disingner of your hopes and your dreams and one day you will realize it is everything it should have been and exactly what you have wanted if you could have known.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Big-M

So there is a new entry in HR life now…hmm...lets say his name is Big-M.

He is suffering from schizophrenia...at first no body exactly knows when Big-M actually get affected honestly no body knows what Schizophrenia is…he was like other teenager boys…

Shy…looking ways to get rid of the family gathering…no heed for the festivals…care free…and always preferred going with friends than with family…hhmm...
....which was not that obstinate but the family was mistaken they let him loose and once he was completely engulfed by the disease and the symptoms were so prominent and clear that could not concealed anymore by family they took him to a psychologists who after few clinical diagnoses declared his fate. 

It is sad though…seeing a very active…young…and smart person…turn into a very big…round and sluggish being…just imagine how happy and contented you feel seeing a child growing into a healthy…smart…active young man….but here the process was reverse and thus the feeling was miserable.

Anyways…he took the proper medication and now 50% to 65% back to normal.

But still he is schizophrenic and still he needs someone close to always have a check on him…he needs someone to tell him all the time what to do…from personal hygiene to medication…he needs always someone to order him.

hmm...here comes HR part...chee...

HR took the liberty and become the ring master…and while she was very afraid what’s going to happen or may be she is not good for this responsibility Allah took charge and now its been almost two months both HR and Big-M are living under one roof and nobody has been abused…injured or even killed yet…good for Big-M.

It is sometimes quite funny actually…because HR normal forgets the order of the Orders and once Big-M is out of bath she orders him to clean the bath room after remembering that she actually forgot the order of the orders she again has to order for another bath….which serves as Big-M’s exercise…and it save him from evening walk…see this is called two bird with one stone..yah…?

Plus…you don’t know how it satisfy your vanity when someone so big is at your disposal all the time….no cross questioning…no NO…no unreasonable reasoning…all you hear is YES (although I am trying so hard that Big-M should include Maa’m with his YES …so all I will be hearing is….YES MAA’M….yes…I am determined…)

hmm....life is very unexpected and full of surprises normally we take it to our heart if things do not turn the way we want them and so HR did…

...but after few days with Big-M…HR thinks that how different they both are…one has no knowledge of this world…who has not a single chance to spend a day alone in this world…who might never use his own decision…and still he say YES with determination…with full confidence that whatever has been ordered to him is for his own good…while HR who knows the way of world very well…who uses her brain…has means to use her brain…and she knows that whatever happens after all it will all become alright at the end she always look for the ways to retreat.

So there is a new person in HR life now and there she learns so many new lessons...one by one I will tell you....no worries...hmm...

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Surrender or face my glory / fury...

I am living in my mother’s apartment now…there is a very big mosque besides this apartment building…hmmm....when she was alive and I used to visit her…she once or twice mentioned how ridiculous or sometimes funny yet extreme sermons our neighbour’s mosque delivers.

I am sorry I don’t want to be offensive here…I never pay attention to my mother’s remarks that time since I hardly had confidence on her hearing…but now as I am living here and can hear the sermons very well…I don’t know what to call them….extreme…ridiculous….humorous…

Sometime I really want to shut all the doors and windows as not to hear them but since its besides our apartment I can’t block the voice.

Let me give you some of the sermons lines or prayers (dua) lines after the namaz…hmm...

1: Ya Allah…let the women who wears patloon (Jeans…Pants) go to hell…they are the stray one from our religion….(and the answer from the crowd…) Ameen.

2: Ya Allah…let the women who wears mascara…blush on…lipstick…eye liner (and I am not kidding these are the exact wordings…he knows what we…women do for make up…this is called rich in general information…yah ?) be killed and burn forever in hell these are the one who makes other good muslim women stray from the true path….(and the loud and clear answer from the crowd…) Ameen.

3: And if you think that your woman is not in your control…beat her…punish her until she submit herself fully to your wishes and command….

I hope this is enough to give you the idea… And why….

The Friday Sermons has so much to do with women?

Don’t these men has anything else to talk about…look around us…we are surrounded with miseries…poverty…joblessness…and these moulanas got only women to send to hell?

It seems so different…changed now…had I not heard him I think I would’ve not believed it….hmm...

Why there is no check or quality control authority to hear or read their sermons and could correct these moulanas…?

There are so many schools now offering special courses on Quran and Tafseer…there are others offering 5 years diploma in Quran and Ahadees…the media is full of information on Islam and how to follow the rules…even with all these open information our moulanas are going towards such extremism…is very distressing.

hmm...To Allah be all glory.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

What I want

The year previous to last year for me Ramzan was scabrous (you may get it by reading ):   What I have done

I grumbled a lot…criticizing my busy schedule…and was not very happy with the people around me who I thought had jointly made a plan against me so that I can’t submit myself to my lord the way a Muslim should do in this holy month....hmmm....

But this year…its very different…all my relations are reduce to shreds…some pass away…some gone abroad…and few who were left…I got rid of them…by showing utter “couldn’t care less” attitude(though it was very very hard for me to be like one…nonetheless…I did it ! )…by the arrival of Ramzan I finally conquered to release myself from everyone…and everything…

So now what???

I should be happy??

That’s what I asked for…Isn’t it?

I should return to my Lord....hmm....My Maker (To HIM be all glory) with zeal…sincerely…eagerly the way I wanted it…and should not raise my head from the prayer mat…or should have recited the Quran Shareef after every hour since I have nothing to do.

Now no one is waiting for me to talk to her….or to listen to her…no one is here to ask me to take them to market for Eid shopping…no one is there to ask me to meet up at iftaar…no one is asking me to come to their place for Sehri…no one…sometimes I in the habit of being surrounded with my loved ones stopped reciting and listen carefully if someone from distance has announced my name…someone in need of my company…someone who has finally decided to ask me out for iftaari…but…there is no one….as I have finally achieved my freedom to be alone...that is what I wanted…endured for…worked for…and got it. 

But now since I have achieved what I wanted why than there is a pang of remorse in my heart…may be that’s not what I wanted…it seems like I wanted it…but I didn’t mean it…may be I liked to whine…may be that’s exactly what I am doing right now…may be this is how I blamed others for me…being reckless with religious obligations…I used to save myself and accused others…they were not between me and my Lord…but they were the reason to enhance…to elevate…to increase my thirst to be with my Lord…??? The more I got busy the more I longed for HIM….Is it???

May be this is how our Lord has made this world…life…we should endure every relationship skilfully and should return to Lord whenever find time…I mean…the best thing about Lord is…you don’t have to explain or give reasons for not being with HIM…He is the only ONE who understands !

I hope HE understand what I want now...hmm....

Friday, June 28, 2013

Nervous Reaction !

Now if you are a Nuclear Scientist...hmm.... it is very easy for you to control or to understand chain reactions…

You know…if not enough atoms get excited…means…the reaction died…it does not work the way you wanted it…
....while if too many atoms get excited means…RUN…it’s the radiation leak…the reaction is out of control…it will blow the whole building…run…run…save yourself…or your honey…or darling…or a dog…or a cat…at least that’s what they usually show in movies…yah…

But I am not worried about the chain reactions at all as I am not the one working on them or even don’t know anyone working with them…so no worries…

hmm...what I am worried about is the nervous reaction…of course my own nervous reaction and the most unhappy part is that I am the only one knows my own nervous reactions.

I am the only one who will bear the consequences in time of its being out of control since my nervous reactions can’t blow the whole building…I wish it could….or it can’t even scare a cat or dog…or anyone around me...people hardly know what's going on inside my head.

It’s only me…myself…I…who knows that inside my head my nervous reaction is getting out of my hands…

Lets say…

In a party....hmm...Person no. 1: …ohh…you have left your husband home again…?

Person no. 2: …ohh…you left your job…again?

Person no. 3:…why don’t you go abroad…?

Then 10th one…why not studies again?

Then 20th one…why not children…?

Then there are too many to handle…and suddenly I wanted to shout… RUN…Save yourself.….nervous reaction is out of control now.

I guess shouting "RADIATION LEAK!" wouldn't help...or would it?

Monday, June 24, 2013

Devinely Playboy

hmm...I just recently watched Star Trek into Darkness and Iron Man (didn’t know what part or series was it as it was just to be with family I went to watch it).

But the thing which I observed in both the movies were….

1:

Is it not the world now seems to yarn for a super hero? There are so many SuperHeroes movies are releasing everyday and I see boys and gilrs talking about those super heroes.

Super Hero...or a Super Human being...hmmm...who can make things straight or make everything right or someone the common people can hold on…
can lean on or to look for the solution…
someone who is not in the politics…
someone who is simple...innocent...don't know the way of world... yet strong enough…bold and clever enough to stand on his ground not for his goals but for masses too….
hmm...and its seems like we are now looking…yarning…waiting desperately for a DEVINE person…a person who is not of this world…

and
2:

If you have also observe it than its so much to do with discrimination and I don’t know how women are allowing it..hmm...since I am seriously thinking about it…

...have you noticed that all these smart heroes…who are very genuine…smart…they care about their family…friends and more over their countrymen…have a playboy type of nature…they play with women and they don’t care about women at all…

...and why I am getting this feeling that now all the movies having a decent goal like protecting the innocents or taking care of the country or fighting for the weak but somehow also giving the message that being in a serious affair with a woman or being a family man makes you zero….

They now projecting a super hero image as....if you are a man…smart and brave you must think women as a play toy and nothing more…

Why is that we still believe that women are weak creatures not only physically but mentally too….they have weak characters and Hero of the movie is so smart (I usually find them oversmart) that he can take any women by just smiling at her….hmm...why is that one of the strongest point of being a hero is to play around with women?

And just consider that at one point we are accepting the person as our saviour and the one who is our only hope while at the same time he can’t have a serious affair with a woman?

But I don’t think that this is all…I mean can we accept a divinely sent to be a non serious person or even to some extent a womanizer really want to know that was I the only one who observed this or this is what it is…hmm…anyone else? 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

You are nothing...but a mistake !

I don’t know why people you once valued so much turned out to be somehow your life time mistake.

Lets suppose that person is “A”...hmmm....

You want to go back so badly when you first make that comment...slight movement of your eyes or even the gesture and attracted A.

You first think of A as someone worth your care....respect and even love.

You respected As’ identity and also like to share A’s dreams…visions and goals.

You always consider A’s need above yours and never ridicule A’s grief no matter how small or foolish you find them...hmm....sometimes you shed tears silently on A's griefs...hmm...you prayed for A pathetically.

You always try to out dialogue A’s recent regrets...anger....or even hatred.

You tried to be there for A whenever or whatever you are doing you replied A’s text within seconds…no matter for which you have to stopped eating…sleeping…or even breathing.

You pardon A of not being in contact only when A is in need. You pardoned A for not replying your emails. You pardoned A for ignoring all your text unless A is free or is bored.

You read A’s emails with so much care and enthusiasm and replied with same zeal and consciousness that your words not hurt A’s feeling while A always replied curtly…snapped with bitter words and soon after A again emailed you to tell you that A always says the truth and truth hurts.

You first think A’s vision as a sacred one…you think that A is on better ground than you and you believed that by A’s side you are actually helping that sacred vision to be a reality.

You mentioned this to A so many times that this is why you seeks for A’s friendship because A is having a dream…a vision worth a reality..hmm....

But here when A start taking your friendship for granted what you do?

Here A started playing games with you…you tried to disclose your intentions of being with A…or to talk to A…or to text to A…based only on the sacred visions…friendship which is a sacred relationship and your own restrains because of cultural responsibilities…but what A do…?...

A always text you or call you or email you that A wants to discuss our common interests but soon when you come in contact with A….A takes you down.

And you are too ashamed to even mention it to yourself.

hmm..what else we can call such valuable people of our life...nothing but a mistake.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Culture

Here I was, sitting at a table on Castle Hill while the city was being bombed below us, in the company of a madman who was once a friend of my husband’s.

But it didn’t feel bad.

It never did when I was with him.

Gently, as if talking to a madman, I asked why he thought that olives, of the kind I had actually eaten some time in past in a small Italian restaurant in that part of London known as Soho, were destined to play such an important part in my current and possibly future life.

He listened to me carefully, his head slightly tipped to one side, and looked,

“Because that culture is over, “he said in friendly, patient manner.

“Everything we considered to be culture is done for. The olive was just once small element of many flavors that made up that culture.

All these little sparks of flavor, these individual delights and wonders, worked together to produce the marvelous feast we call taste.

Taste is an aspect of culture, and it’s all vanishing.

It will vanish even if elements of it remain.

They may still be selling olives stuffed with pimientos somewhere in the future, but the class that cultivated the taste for it and understood what it meant will have vanished.

There will remain only the knowing about it, which is not the same thing.

Culture is experience, I say, it is living experience, timeless as sunshine.

To know about things is to know merely secondhand. It is like wearing secondhand clothes.”

~ Sandor Marai ~ Portraits of a Marriage ~

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

How (not) to do it !

Note: Sorry for such (political) sarcastic post.

It is true that....how (not) to do it is the great study and object of all public departments and professional politicians all round the Pakistan.


It is true that every new government..hmmm…come to the power because they had upheld…convinced their fellowmen (poor) that a certain thing (as they believed) is necessary to be done and they will do it as soon as they'll come in power… and soon after coming in power applied their utmost faculties on discovering How not to do it.

It is true that…from the moment when election are over…every politician who wins and who was demanding during their whole political campaign the (last) government to explain why it hadn’t been done and had been empathizing that it should be done and it will be done without a moment wasted once they come in power…somehow…relapse to devise and start pondering on How it should not to be done (again).

It is true (though I am never been admitted there..hmm...but I am sure) that the debates in our parliament or assembly during the whole government tenure is tended to find out…How not to do it.

It is true that at the opening of every session in assembly and parliament…our honorable Speaker virtually would have said..hmm...

Ladies and Gentlemen...since you have a considerable stroke of work to do...you are allowed to retire…abandon the session as soon as you like...to discuss…to ponder…to think…How not to do it.

It is must be sure that the speech…at the closure of parliament or assemblies...virtually said...

Ladies and gentlemen...you have through several laborious months been considering...with great loyalty and patriotism...hmm...How not to do it....and congratulations that you have found out...and....with the blessing of Almighty...I now dismiss you.

All this is true (or must be true)… with our public departments but our Pakistan Telecommunication department (PTCL) went beyond it.

PTCL went on mechanically…everyday…with its wonderful…all-sufficient (rather ill-sufficient) labor and deep and thoroughly (thou roughly) prepared services and packages they have gaily announced that they have succeeded in not doing it..hmm....

PTCL has a reputation to keep and they are so severe with any of their servant who was going to do it...or who appeared to be any surprising accident in remote danger of doing it....with a minute and a memorandum...and a letter of instructions...that extinguished his flare of duty.

It was this spirit of national efficiency in the PTCL that had gradually led them to the top position of how not to do it. 

Monday, May 27, 2013

Space

For me…hmm....

I like to have my personal space…I respect those who care about their personal space…and I never mind if someone show me…that I am trying to crowd their space I readily withdraw…(which is slightly difficult in my HUBBY’s case…a Wife must know what husband is doing with his personal space…yah?)

Recently travelling through plane in economy class I…lucky enough to have a neighbor so big and huge that he was not able to just fit in his seat and kept lean on me for which he was helpless and was not sorry too...of two hours flight including we had lunch together….and here together means TOGETHER…hmm...sine he was so close to me that I sometime forget either I am having my lunch or he is eating mine.

I avoided the eye contact instead he played the watch dog on me I could see from the corner of my left eye that whenever I turn my head to sneak outside the window his head turn that way...if I try to catch the air hostess movements he was doing the same which was annoying that at one time I tried to tell him how it feels when you confiscate the personal space nevertheless don’t ask how I avoided his unavoidable presence.

And this happens all the time…if you are in line…either utility bills submission line…grocery shopping…or even food line in a very well organized wedding ceremony…people with plastic smiles and gestures on their faces suddenly insist to lean against you…this is irritating!

They will not pass you as they know (at least this) that passing over is not ethical however they will hovering from your back and sometimes come so close that you can even feel their breath on the nape of your neck.

Once..hmm...I tried to explain the phenomena to the young lady hovering over my shoulder while we were in the utility bill submission line in a bank that her hovering…will not make any difference the cashier will take all the time (all the world’s time…by the way…have you ever noticed our bank people working on computers? Eeehhh..? Why? Well they all have so intense expressions on their faces and the keyboards under their fingers seems like so …so…foreign…like they had least idea about what are they...the computers…) to submit the bill and one by one we will proceed…she kept looking at me with so much attention that I…at one time wanted to pat her back for being so good listener but once I done talking and turn my back on her she rested her both hands on my respective shoulders and started hovering with more violent enthusiasm.

And the last but not the least…of all…when you are reading a NEWS PAPER…and someone decides they would like to read it too and try to read along with you…this is the top tier of improper space invasion.

Why not you buy your own paper…?

And the most irritating part is that you can’t just be too harsh to say something nasty to these people…the only choice you have is to swallow it…and pretend that it is nothing and you have not even slightly disliked their invasion…

hmm...and after all this…what is the moral of the story…?

Ahh….yes….I love mankind….hmmm….

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Very True





[image source unknown]

 

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

"Pro Status Quo" Elections in Pakistan

It’s estimated that 36 million electors out of the 86 million were newly registered, and 60 per cent turnout of voters is surely a significant sign that people are sick and tired of the stinky status quo of bad governance and rampant corruption.

Unfortunately, Imran Khan’s political tsunami has bypassed the whole country, yet it reached the North, where the residents seriously welcomed the “anti status quo” tsunami. Miraculously, the Pashtun population succeeded in protecting its mandate from getting stolen.

If the PTI makes the next government in the province of KP, it would have five years to do the repair and present a model to the rest of the country. This province is also blessed with natural resources, oil, gas, coal reserves, and huge hydropower potential.

Bringing peace will surely attract foreign investors to the province ushering in a new era of prosperity under the PTI government for people of the province.

Sadly, election 2013 was a day of massive rigging -specifically in Punjab and Sindh, because according to convincing evidence there was a negative scenario where the turnout even exceeded 100% reaching 300% suggesting nothing but a ballot stuffing illegality.

Among other severe scenarios were the voting at gun point, violence, and other intended clerical irregularities encouraging “incomplete-vote-casting” aimed at adding to unacceptable ballots in order to give unfair benefit to the vested interests.

Despite all this, the Pakistan Muslim League (N) went ahead delivering its “acceptance speech” and announced Nawaz Sharif as its new Prime Minister, wonderful!
Just imagine the over-excited winners didn’t even wait for the official announcement by the Election Commission of Pakistan. And, congratulations already started pouring in from foreign lands-wow!

Furthermore, the Media hype and TV channels’ announcing results before the “voting-time-deadline” was a little bit too much, as that amounts to manipulation through robbing the independent thoughts of the electors. Obviously, if the “political free will” gets compromised this way, then where is the free and fair election?

Having emerged as a winner party, the PML-N faces a lot of tough challenges ahead.
Rescuing the drowning economy, tailoring foreign relations in the best interests of Pakistan are quite difficult ones.
And, dealing with three different provincial governments in Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, Sindh and Baluchistan will not be that easy either.

Since the PML(N) has rich repeaters who have wealth of experience as well, certainly, there will be a strategy in place. However, prioritizing the targets will still be needed.
Starting with correcting the electricity shortage as number one priority, the new regime will have to fix terrorism and the law and order situation to revive the economic health of the country on a faster track.
Furthermore, for facilitating effective governance, a reasonably tailored cabinet is urgently needed for delivery to the impatient public whose tolerance level seems to be around zero.

The problem is when it comes to appointing Ministers, accommodating party office bearers and political allies will be a real fun for Nawaz Sharif unless he plays political maneuver skilfully.
Question is whether the PML (N) is going to eliminate the status quo of VIP culture and other corruption culture as well as disallow a lavish spending on privileges to the parliamentarians and the office bearers. Answer is “no” because change of mindset can’t be expected at this point in time.

Tradition of Rigging: No matter what, generally greed becomes the motivating factor overtaking one’s conscience; hence the evil leads the contestants to win by hooks or by crooks. Many videos can be viewed on social network confirming rigging of the polls.
On the other hand, PTI leaders claim the party would emerge victorious if free and fair re-election is conducted in NA-250. PTI supporters in Lahore demanded a transparent re-election in NA-122 and NA-125.

While the senior PTI leader Hamid Khan said he would lodge a complaint with the Election Commission of Pakistan (ECP) against election rigging across Punjab. “We will not allow those who stole our mandate to live peacefully,” he said while talking to participants of the sit-in. He claimed the results were changed in many constituencies and maintains that PML-N did carry out rigging across Punjab. Also, the PTI Chairperson has already demanded a fresh re-count of the votes in the disputed constituencies.

So far, the ECP has decided to go ahead with re-election in 43 polling stations of NA 250 on 19 May.
Painful reality remains - either the morally bankrupt politicians are blind and cannot learn from the consequences faced by the past wrongdoers, or they don’t give a damn to ethical values; thus prefer ignoring the rules, law and the constitution.

Again, the protesters are out there on the streets doing limited sit-ins against the massive rigging in the recent elections. In central and rural Punjab the same reports are emerging.
Failure of the ECP is sad of course. If the army and rangers were deployed in sensitive areas, then what did stop them from moving against the culprits?

Currently, the country is going through tough financial problems of its own, and IMF installment is due soon so it cannot bear the cost of re-election. But, there is a positive effect  of May 11 Pak election on the stock market. Furthermore, Nawaz Sharif’s visit to Imran Khan in the hospital is positive news in the right direction.
The lessons learnt from the said election exercise are useful for improvement.
Indeed with time comes the political and democratic maturity

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Some Results of Secularization of Education


It is well known that Europe through a historical process got disenchanted with religion, and reduced intellect and life to this world alone (see Religion & the Order of Nature, by Dr S H Nasr to study the change at the intellectual level; & ‘The Origins of Western Social Sciences’ by Dr Asad to study the ‘disenchantment’ process). What are the results? To sum it up:

‎”We live among ruins in a World in which ‘god is dead’ as Nietzsche stated. The ideals of today are comfort, expediency, surface knowledge, disregard for one’s ancestral heritage and traditions, catering to the lowest standards of taste and intelligence, apotheosis of the pathetic, hoarding of material objects and possessions, disrespect for all that is inherently higher and better — in other words a complete inversion of true values and ideals, the raising of the victory flag of ignorance and the banner of degeneracy. In such a time, social decadence is so widespread that it appears as a natural component of all political institutions. The crises that dominate the daily lives of our societies are part of a secret occult war to remove the support of spiritual and traditional values in order to turn man into a passive instrument of dark powers.”

This is – put very mildly – the kind of world that secular modern education has produced. Because the secular worldview remains undecided about Principles (and hence ultimate values), and in fact declares values as non-scientific, it has legalized and accepted the most immoral of activities: hoarding, selfishness, usury, betting & derivatives, homosexuality, desecration of sacred histories & figures, environmental crises, etc. Therefore, as Dr Nasr once said, no knowledge is abstract or value-free. Every knowledge has a worldview attached to it. So if someone asks for totally eliminating Islam from all subjects except Islamiyat he is practically arguing for educating as per secular worldview which rejects Revelation as a code of life in most comprehensive way. Islam is against compartmentalization of life, and life and education must be regulated according to Sacred Principles and laws.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Your death transformed me!

My mother died the same day in 2012.

In the first months afterward..hmm...I felt an intense desire to write down the story of her death...to tell it over and over to friends.

I jotted down stray thoughts and memories in the middle of the night.

I used to be the happy-go-lucky type. You know...the one who always saw the proverbial silver lining.

This all changed in a few hours. My mother and I never had a perfect relationship...hmm...but who does?

We were friends...as well as family and definitely had our share of troubles.

But...we always worked past them and never doubted that we loved each other.

My mother's house was the town gathering place for friends and family. The moment you walked through the door, the smell of meal hit you first, followed by my mother's smile and warm greeting of welcome.

Morning..noon or night...you would find people around the kitchen table drinking tea…eating. This tradition had been handed down from my grandmother.

When our maid called me that mom is not responding and went to sleep between taking her tea.

I went into denial mode..hmm...not about her having gone to bed...but about the fact that she would die.

When I took her to the hospital...I really thought it would be like last time and she would spend a couple of weeks there..until she was stronger..and then come home.

When the doctor came out and told me that she had been peacefully dead long I should call the family...I went into protective mode.

I cared not what anyone else thought...only how I could make this easier on her. I wailed…I am sorry I never thought of myself crying like a little baby but I did…I cried a lot but soon I regain myself and my first call was to my eldest sister.

And I said to my elder sister…”I guess Ammi is going to dine today with Abbu”…to which my sister replied…”Don’t say this please…I promised her to bring her new mugs…besides she never liked Abbu….” Then she started crying and said…”I never dreamed she would go on to do that so soon.”

All of the family made it to her funeral. Having a large family was such a blessing at that time. All the support we gave each other, and our friends were wonderful and helpful too.

It was when they went home that it all started to sink in and when I began my transformation.

I am not sure how it happened..but I now find myself being cynical...seeing the bad rather than the good in people and situations..argumentative and sometimes just plain rude and mean.

I hate this !

I was never like this before..but I don't know how to change it.

My husband has been wonderful through it all...but I know it has to wear on his nerves.

I still find myself crying in the shower or while taking meal. I catch myself getting angry at even the smallest things.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and always think the worst first...whether it is about them or what they think of me.

I don't wish my mother back here..she is much better off where she is.

No pain...hmm...heartache or sorrow.

Although...I do think of a lot of things I would have liked to discuss with her...questions still unanswered and things I wish I had said.

But lets face the fact...every loss transform us sometimes the loss perfected our character sometimes snatched all the hopes...faith and happiness.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

My time ?


And I said to my heart last night…

“Your time will come, my dear worry not…your time will come.”

But how can I be sure of it…how I know whether or not my time has not already come and gone?

Perhaps one afternoon on the veranda in a lost village...(with no name and no Google map) with a swing in the garden…rain…noise of thunder…shuttered room and sheeted bed...with a pillow under my head and a white sheet on my laps...perhaps then it will be my time? 

But it is too early right now to even think of that.

Or may be the hot mornings in the sunny room in a lively city...when the children cried loudly from the public school across the way, “Pak Sir Zameen Shad Baad…”and I will be sitting on the low couch with my written books and papers...happy and safe and calm....perhaps my time will be then…but I can’t see it at all.

Perhaps…I spent it already…all of it…squandered out…in taking cabs…having nonsensical phone calls…convincing people that I love them...loosing them…caring….thousands of books devoured by the eye…cooking…in suspicions…tears…jealousy…hatred and fear.

Perhaps…it is now…tonight…the dark night of February…where I am sitting with emptiness in my body and heart…besides the side table on which placed is her picture…drying my hairs…older…more tired…desperately silent…unhappily alone…with shattered faith and broken dreams disappearing with the dreadful pain in my shoulder.

Perhaps…my heart…this very instant is your time…pretty late hmmm…but still your own…your peculiar…your promised and presaged moment…out of all moments forever.

This is your time !

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Thank you !


I remember when I first started THINKING...hmm...

Even in few years I over whelmed by the responses and sincere comments I used to get on my writings….hmm…

After few years I asked few of my friends to join...in hopes that their friends would join...too...and we’d make some new friends.

Through THINKING I gathered a collection of pen pals through the years...many of them were either because of or became part of THINKING.

My views were challenged...my world enlarged...through the fellowship with these people–on paper...through email...on the phone...and in person.

And soon I found myself far from being an un-socialized person–I had acquaintances throughout the latitudes and longitudes. And many of them are still dear friends today.

I may not know you…THINKING people…hmm…on personal level…but its refreshing to have you walk into THINKING…writing here…making comments…seems like you are walking into my life…and reading your writings and comments here feel like…we know each other…even though we have not met before…but we are enjoying our sweet fellowship through our common bond…in THINKING.


I guess the busier life gets...the more I cherish the little bits of fellowship that God sends my way.

Whether it’s reading your stories here...or having you walk up and say, “You look like I’ve seen your picture online…I’ve actually read your….hmmm…” (I wish that beautiful young woman would have introduced herself…hmm…she didn’t and if you are reading this...hmmm…I respect your privacy…)...you are a shower of blessing in my life.

Thank you so much for giving me time…writing here…and making comments..and…

Thank you...THINKING.
HR.