Saturday, February 19, 2011

Life's lesson

I'll be honest with you..hmm..

I wasn't going to mention anything but as I feel better today...

I shall tell you about how bad I was made to feel yesterday;

I need to get it off my chest at least...hmm....

I'll keep it brief because it isn't worth banging on about.

Since my In-Laws…are busy in my brother-in-law marriage…

I talked to one of the aunt of the bride (to be) yesterday morning on phone and when I found her arguing me on some money related matter which only my mother-in-law can settle I asked her to talked to her directly…for which she made a flippant and stupid joke…and thus I closed the call abruptly.

And boy...did I regret it.

I left the wonderful lady who called the bride(to be)’s mother and whilst I went to the super market then on my way out of the laundry shop....called my beloved husband on his mobile to see what was happening.

Call after call my beloved husband received on what I'd said.

The calls points to how…

a) I had upset people.

b) I had offended people.

I was accused of cruelty and told I should be reported…

Okay…Okay….reported…to whom?

Not one of those people knew me from Adam...hmm....

They had all jumped on the bandwagon and thought they had every right to shoot me down...humiliate me and make me look like I was the wicked step-sister of the bride to be….

I was distraught...gutted...

I couldn't concentrate on my shopping and couldn't wait to get In-Laws home to send my apologies to the people I had upset.

Those who know me....knows that I am an humanitarian….I'm not against other people’s happiness nor I think that people don’t deserve to be contented…

I have a deep love for my family...always have and always will and now the bride (to be) is family.

I realized...hmm....after making a public apology through my easy it is to spread the wrong word about someone.

People take things so very seriously...the emitted word can be quickly taken out of context and we can find ourselves in hot water because

a) lack of a sense of humour

b) ignorance.

One of the people who accused me of being cruel decided to meet me.

I rejected to meet anyone.

And out of all of them...only one apologized to me for misunderstanding what I had meant.

I do not apologized to gain sympathy....nor do I want to engage in argumentative conversation.

I apologized because the last thing I ever wish to do is offend anyone...on any way at all.

It isn't in my nature.

But…some people need to accept that there are different opinions in this life...

Some of which they may not agree on...hmm...

Wouldn't we be awfully boring if we were all the same?

Sunday, February 13, 2011

My Valentine !

I was once more reminded of undying love…the kind that is constantly around even after the last breath..hmm....

There is so much within my life that points to him…many events of which I can confirm with sincerity, "he made it happen".

But whilst listening to my inner voice I tell myself over and over again…if only he were still here.

If only he could hold me like he did once or twice all those years ago; if only he could tell me he loves me for all the world to hear.

If only we could have that conversation about politics and education…about work and running the business.

I wonder if I ever wanted to listen...hmm...or did I just want to sit with him...hmm...proud and content.

He stood next to my bed.

I had tried previously to sleep but his presence was too strong.

I had asked him during the night to visit me…to remind me to write emails to my family on Valentine; and he did...hmmm...

I opened my eyes….transfixed upon the darkness which surrounded my thoughts.

The distant aroma of cigar smoke encircled my senses.

I heard a shuffle; a movement of someone beside me.

My heart rate increased as I held out my hand asking for him to take it in his.

His beautiful touch against my skin was all I yearned for…

I awoke to find myself standing in a large room…a function type venue where many family friends had gathered.

People from his/my past…those who had difficulty accepting his passing stood close…waiting for him to walk by.

No smiles on faces…no voices in echo.

Daylight streamed through romantic palace open door revealed a lobby filled with silence.

And at the end of the lobby…I saw him…looking at me as though he only had eyes for me.

I did not cry.

I only tried to speak…to thank him for such luxurious gathering…for inviting me in his gathering...

The tears which stung my eyes were tears of joy…

And finally he said….”Be my Valentine…this year and always…”

I looked about me once more to compose myself…yet I found myself sad upon realising my true surroundings.

The bedroom remained in darkness.

The cigar smoke no longer lingered in the air.

I was once more alone with my thoughts...and tears.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Who kidnapped Karachi Literature Festival?

hmm....when I attended the Karachi Literature Festival last year….

I thought that this could be the platform or the bridge to bring our two classes…elite and common man…close to each other and help them to make friendship.

While I totally forgot that our elite class does not want to sit with a man chewing pan and wearing simple shalwar suit…the common man who sometimes smell…smell of human’s sweat which comes after the hard labor…

The elite class…who stolen everything from common man….his happiness…hope…love…even reason of life.

This time common man does not even know what has been stolen from him….because he didn’t even know that what was there in the Karachi Literature Festival for him…because he was not invited…even though...entries were free.

And let’s suppose by spending his one weeks pay...he somehow could manage to hire a cab to come so far away…honestly speaking there was nothing in the Karachi Literature Festial for him.
The writers…present in the Karachi Literature Festival don’t write for common man…
Actually….they didn’t even know that they are now “writer” until they reached Pakistan few days ago.

The columnists present in Karachi Literature Festival don’t think that Pakistan needs anything…they think...that the whole purpose of human race of Pakistan now is to kill…condemn…Terrorism…otherwise…all is well.
This Literature Festival…does not represent Pakistan….not Karachi…not even literature.
I remember…when I was a little girl…I used to buy small story books of almost ten to fifteen pages with weird pictures on the cover…they cost almost rupees one to five…I used to buy it from my pocket money…
Even those writers were better than the ones present in the Karachi Literature Festival...having whole half an hour session on their writing and books.
But…just because they wrote their books while living in UK...USA…they are the best writers.
The writers on which whole Pakistan should brag. They are the pride….the grace…of Pakistan.
Karachi Literature Festival…is a festival…there is no doubt about it…but a festival…for elite class…only...
The reason behind the creation of Karachi Literature Festival is to create….generate…another occasion for elite class….to make new dresses…to make appointments for beauty saloons…to look beautiful and rich...and happy too.

They are bridging gap…of course…but from rich to…hmm….more rich people.

And the same…simple hearted…poor….common man...tonight will see on his 14 inch television so many news about Karachi Literature Festival…where he would see that people with shining eyes and glittering ear rings were saying the same…repeated words….

“aaa…aaammmm….this is the best literature festival….aa…ammm…and it should continue….aaa…aaammm…I am so happy to attend the festival….aaa….this is the best way to bridge the gap between our apart classes….aaammm….this sure will portray Pakistan as an educated country…aaammmm….I am so much thankful to the ….. and… organize this festival.”

And after viewing and hearing the same repeated words again and again….the common man will change television’s channel….a channel where he can see and hear…

Munni badnaam hoi….Darling tere leye !


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Lint message !

So my mother called me that she is coming with one lost..long-time-no-news (wali) aunt from abroad with her husband.

And I did what I have to do…I did dusting…clean carpet…the spotless bed sheet…television’s remote on its hanger…books on shelf…and fresh flowers in the kitchen…beloved husband in his clean…pressed clothes...all the wall clocks displaying same time…

hmm…but who knows...I had a piece of lint.

A lint that moves from one place to another.

By unseen hands.

I even tested this on three occasions.

The lint was battered and quite big enough to be noticed by my mother.

The first time I found it was on the purple rug which lies on my bedroom carpet.

I bent down and picked it up…not taking much notice of it and throw it in the open mouthed silver dustbin which stands at the foot of my bed.

There is no other object in the dustbin…apart from the lint.

A few hours later I returned to the bedroom…barefoot.

I felt something rigid beneath my foot and once more bent down to investigate the offending object.

It was the lint.

The same lint.

I thought...hmmm..."Interesting…a message perhaps." I picked up the lint and placed it this one of the dressing table drawers.

A little stayed in the drawer for two hours and I was tempted to move it elsewhere…as no body knows mother would by the way open the drawer and will be curious/furious to find this particular lint.

But just as I was going to go ahead in my quest....the phone rang and I became sidetracked.

The phone call took me to the kitchen at the other side of the house.

Moving on to do something else…I forgot about the mysterious lint until later that evening.

As I was about to pull back the duvet to make space to let my aunt slip under it…all of us noticed it.

On my bed.

The same lint.

My aunt smiled and put the lint on the side table by my bed. It was there to remind me that I should be more careful with my cleaning and dusting.

By the night when my guest were gone the lint has moved again.

To where...I have no idea....I have searched around and under my bed to no avail.

It will likely be the case that when I am looking for something else...perhaps even in another part of the house....the lint will reappear.

It is amazing what you can find when you are not looking.

I wonder...hmm....does this happen to you?