I was once more reminded of undying love…the kind that is constantly around even after the last breath..hmm....
There is so much within my life that points to him…many events of which I can confirm with sincerity, "he made it happen".
But whilst listening to my inner voice I tell myself over and over again…if only he were still here.
If only he could hold me like he did once or twice all those years ago; if only he could tell me he loves me for all the world to hear.
If only we could have that conversation about politics and education…about work and running the business.
I wonder if I ever wanted to listen...hmm...or did I just want to sit with him...hmm...proud and content.
He stood next to my bed.
I had tried previously to sleep but his presence was too strong.
I had asked him during the night to visit me…to remind me to write emails to my family on Valentine; and he did...hmmm...
I opened my eyes….transfixed upon the darkness which surrounded my thoughts.
The distant aroma of cigar smoke encircled my senses.
I heard a shuffle; a movement of someone beside me.
My heart rate increased as I held out my hand asking for him to take it in his.
His beautiful touch against my skin was all I yearned for…
I awoke to find myself standing in a large room…a function type venue where many family friends had gathered.
People from his/my past…those who had difficulty accepting his passing stood close…waiting for him to walk by.
No smiles on faces…no voices in echo.
Daylight streamed through romantic palace windows...hmmm...an open door revealed a lobby filled with silence.
And at the end of the lobby…I saw him…looking at me as though he only had eyes for me.
I did not cry.
I only tried to speak…to thank him for such luxurious gathering…for inviting me in his gathering...
The tears which stung my eyes were tears of joy…
And finally he said….”Be my Valentine…this year and always…”
I looked about me once more to compose myself…yet I found myself sad upon realising my true surroundings.
The bedroom remained in darkness.
The cigar smoke no longer lingered in the air.
I was once more alone with my thoughts...and tears.