Friday, June 28, 2013

Nervous Reaction !

Now if you are a Nuclear Scientist...hmm.... it is very easy for you to control or to understand chain reactions…

You know…if not enough atoms get excited…means…the reaction died…it does not work the way you wanted it…
....while if too many atoms get excited means…RUN…it’s the radiation leak…the reaction is out of control…it will blow the whole building…run…run…save yourself…or your honey…or darling…or a dog…or a cat…at least that’s what they usually show in movies…yah…

But I am not worried about the chain reactions at all as I am not the one working on them or even don’t know anyone working with them…so no worries…

hmm...what I am worried about is the nervous reaction…of course my own nervous reaction and the most unhappy part is that I am the only one knows my own nervous reactions.

I am the only one who will bear the consequences in time of its being out of control since my nervous reactions can’t blow the whole building…I wish it could….or it can’t even scare a cat or dog…or anyone around me...people hardly know what's going on inside my head.

It’s only me…myself…I…who knows that inside my head my nervous reaction is getting out of my hands…

Lets say…

In a party....hmm...Person no. 1: …ohh…you have left your husband home again…?

Person no. 2: …ohh…you left your job…again?

Person no. 3:…why don’t you go abroad…?

Then 10th one…why not studies again?

Then 20th one…why not children…?

Then there are too many to handle…and suddenly I wanted to shout… RUN…Save yourself.….nervous reaction is out of control now.

I guess shouting "RADIATION LEAK!" wouldn't help...or would it?

Monday, June 24, 2013

Devinely Playboy

hmm...I just recently watched Star Trek into Darkness and Iron Man (didn’t know what part or series was it as it was just to be with family I went to watch it).

But the thing which I observed in both the movies were….


Is it not the world now seems to yarn for a super hero? There are so many SuperHeroes movies are releasing everyday and I see boys and gilrs talking about those super heroes.

Super Hero...or a Super Human being...hmmm...who can make things straight or make everything right or someone the common people can hold on…
can lean on or to look for the solution…
someone who is not in the politics…
someone who is simple...innocent...don't know the way of world... yet strong enough…bold and clever enough to stand on his ground not for his goals but for masses too….
hmm...and its seems like we are now looking…yarning…waiting desperately for a DEVINE person…a person who is not of this world…


If you have also observe it than its so much to do with discrimination and I don’t know how women are allowing it..hmm...since I am seriously thinking about it…

...have you noticed that all these smart heroes…who are very genuine…smart…they care about their family…friends and more over their countrymen…have a playboy type of nature…they play with women and they don’t care about women at all…

...and why I am getting this feeling that now all the movies having a decent goal like protecting the innocents or taking care of the country or fighting for the weak but somehow also giving the message that being in a serious affair with a woman or being a family man makes you zero….

They now projecting a super hero image as....if you are a man…smart and brave you must think women as a play toy and nothing more…

Why is that we still believe that women are weak creatures not only physically but mentally too….they have weak characters and Hero of the movie is so smart (I usually find them oversmart) that he can take any women by just smiling at her….hmm...why is that one of the strongest point of being a hero is to play around with women?

And just consider that at one point we are accepting the person as our saviour and the one who is our only hope while at the same time he can’t have a serious affair with a woman?

But I don’t think that this is all…I mean can we accept a divinely sent to be a non serious person or even to some extent a womanizer really want to know that was I the only one who observed this or this is what it is…hmm…anyone else? 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

You are nothing...but a mistake !

I don’t know why people you once valued so much turned out to be somehow your life time mistake.

Lets suppose that person is “A”...hmmm....

You want to go back so badly when you first make that comment...slight movement of your eyes or even the gesture and attracted A.

You first think of A as someone worth your care....respect and even love.

You respected As’ identity and also like to share A’s dreams…visions and goals.

You always consider A’s need above yours and never ridicule A’s grief no matter how small or foolish you find them...hmm....sometimes you shed tears silently on A's prayed for A pathetically.

You always try to out dialogue A’s recent regrets...anger....or even hatred.

You tried to be there for A whenever or whatever you are doing you replied A’s text within seconds…no matter for which you have to stopped eating…sleeping…or even breathing.

You pardon A of not being in contact only when A is in need. You pardoned A for not replying your emails. You pardoned A for ignoring all your text unless A is free or is bored.

You read A’s emails with so much care and enthusiasm and replied with same zeal and consciousness that your words not hurt A’s feeling while A always replied curtly…snapped with bitter words and soon after A again emailed you to tell you that A always says the truth and truth hurts.

You first think A’s vision as a sacred one…you think that A is on better ground than you and you believed that by A’s side you are actually helping that sacred vision to be a reality.

You mentioned this to A so many times that this is why you seeks for A’s friendship because A is having a dream…a vision worth a reality..hmm....

But here when A start taking your friendship for granted what you do?

Here A started playing games with you…you tried to disclose your intentions of being with A…or to talk to A…or to text to A…based only on the sacred visions…friendship which is a sacred relationship and your own restrains because of cultural responsibilities…but what A do…?...

A always text you or call you or email you that A wants to discuss our common interests but soon when you come in contact with A….A takes you down.

And you are too ashamed to even mention it to yourself.

hmm..what else we can call such valuable people of our life...nothing but a mistake.

Sunday, June 2, 2013


Here I was, sitting at a table on Castle Hill while the city was being bombed below us, in the company of a madman who was once a friend of my husband’s.

But it didn’t feel bad.

It never did when I was with him.

Gently, as if talking to a madman, I asked why he thought that olives, of the kind I had actually eaten some time in past in a small Italian restaurant in that part of London known as Soho, were destined to play such an important part in my current and possibly future life.

He listened to me carefully, his head slightly tipped to one side, and looked,

“Because that culture is over, “he said in friendly, patient manner.

“Everything we considered to be culture is done for. The olive was just once small element of many flavors that made up that culture.

All these little sparks of flavor, these individual delights and wonders, worked together to produce the marvelous feast we call taste.

Taste is an aspect of culture, and it’s all vanishing.

It will vanish even if elements of it remain.

They may still be selling olives stuffed with pimientos somewhere in the future, but the class that cultivated the taste for it and understood what it meant will have vanished.

There will remain only the knowing about it, which is not the same thing.

Culture is experience, I say, it is living experience, timeless as sunshine.

To know about things is to know merely secondhand. It is like wearing secondhand clothes.”

~ Sandor Marai ~ Portraits of a Marriage ~