Wedding Anniversary

Some questions are very simple yet so strange that when ever you think about it…you feel like loosing yourself…hmm...

On the cool evening of 11 August 2007…all the witnesses...relatives and moulana sahib ushered by my elder sister into my secluded room…and when I being asked for the acceptance of the marriage proposal…I shivered like a dry leaf…hmm...

I thought is there any chance of getting rid of it now…while all my relatives are here…my family has invested a good fortune on the ceremony…my husband to be is sitting outside already accepted and signed the marriage papers…no…than why so much hurdle…pretending…?

I felt a little burden on my shoulder of some kind hand…some one was patting my back and some one far away was making jokes…on my being quite and not at all responding to the moulana sahib’s questions…

I shivered…my hands were like made of stone…I can’t even hold the pen some one put into my hands to sign the papers…(nikkah nama)…and...hmm...

I felt some thing stuck into my right eye...I tried to rub that off and found out that it was a tear I was holding too long in my eye that it dried and became hard…there was a little restlessness in the room because of my being so mute...

I remembered that once I dreamed a dream…wrapped it up into the corner of my heart and thought it is safe there…secured by the feeling that nobody but me knew that it had been dreamed…that dream…which nestled in my heart stayed warm and hopeful.

Sometimes it grew a little brighter...sometimes it felt impossibly small and unlikely.

But it was precious to me and I trusted it above all the other dreams I ever dreamed.

And then came a day I let it go…though I was sure I couldn’t do it…but I survived somehow…letting go is painful yet it take you one step closer to your Maker…and so does I took a step closer to HIM.

Not only did my heart break...but my world stopped...my dreams died and I was left devastated it felt like failure to me!

I heard some where my Maker whispered to me…Wait and See…

That day..letting go of my dream – hurts…the not knowing and the wondering what happens now...felt like a cold wind blowing down on my heart…but in quite and unexpected ways...my Maker took the pieces of my heart and the pieces of the dream I had given away and built something NEW.

Although at first…the nikkah nama…the signature…the ceremony does not make any sense to me…I did it because I don’t have anything else in my life…I was at the dire state of doing anything to bring the change in my life…I was so tired and lonely of my being alone…and so I did sign the papers.

Every one starts congratulating my family…my mother cried…I heard my sisters consoling her…so many people so many voices and I didn’t even try to listen… I was praying…may be I was asking my Maker…what HE has in HIS mind now…I want to know…now what?

And again I heard HIM whispering….DREAM ON…

I’ve dreamed a lot of dreams in the days since...hmm....but I have now learned how to let some of them go.

I’m still learning not to wrap them up in the depths of my heart...but instead to hold them up in my hands to God.

I’m learning to trust Him with all of my dreams.

Life is made for dreaming big dreams. Some of them are meant for holding on to...and some are meant for letting go.

Some dreams are meant for a season...and some are meant to last a lifetime.

So keep dreaming big dreams…but let HIM be the sculptor...the re-disingner of your hopes and your dreams and one day you will realize it is everything it should have been and exactly what you have wanted if you could have known.