(HE = my MAKER, ALLAH)
I wrote this a few weeks after everything I thought I cared for in my life shattered, and I found myself alone, starting over, and hurting so much I didn't know how to go on.
I wrote it by faith then, for I could not see the beauty of new dreams, or hope of joy returned, or that the ache in my heart would ever lessen and the sting fade, but then, I chose to sing, to hold on, because HE promised that sorrow would turn to joy...someday.
Today, I look back, and it was a long and dark journey, and I may always carry a few little scars in my heart, but HE did not fail.
HE brought more joy, more beauty, more than I ever could have hoped for and I see HIS hand.It wasn't HIS plan that I have a broken heart, but HE knew what was best in the end.
HE gave me strength to let go, to face the shatteredness that was a result of my own choice, yes, but worked HIS plan over the mistakes, and made something beautiful from what seemed like brokenness.
And it gives me hope to keep trusting the outworking of HIS will in my life. It may take time, but I'll keep singing, keep trusting, keep believing that HIS way is perfect.
To ALLAH be all glory.
I saw my dearest dreams crumble, broken into a thousand pieces, and fall to the ground. They were worthless that way, and with trembling heart, I bent to try to gather the pieces back up and make sense of the emptiness that closed in around me.
For one small moment, I thought I was alone in the world. No one knew that what I lived for, what I had hoped for so long would be a reality, was now but a pile of rubbish.
And perhaps... no one would care....hmmmm
But my tears, falling to the ground, unseen by any human eye, were not unseen by HIM.
HE knew my grief, HE saw my broken dreams, and HE cared.
The dreams that each of us holds dear, the fragile things that our hearts long for, that we wait for all our lives, do shatter sometimes.
All of us have tasted of the bitter sorrow that clutches the heart as those beautiful things we thought were within our reach tumbled to the ground, and all that was left was but a pile of broken pieces.
This is no uncommon fate. (hmm...dil ko bhalanay k leye Ghalib....)
Yet, there has not one thing, one tiniest of disappointments pained our hearts, but that HIS watchful eye has taken it in. HE has put all of our tears into HIS bottle. HE knows. HE cares.
Are you tired of chasing pretty rainbows?
Are you tired of spinning round and round?
Wrap up all those shattered dreams of your life.
When I first looked up from my dreams, and with painful heart looked at the road ahead of me, I did not think I could go on.
I could not see HIM that day. It was all too dark,
but HE was right by my side...hmm... I couldn't feel HIM there, but HE was holding me in HIS arms.
I did not know if I could give up my broken dreams, so much a part of me they seemed.
But HE was waiting to take them, and even to give me the courage strength to let go.
But ALLAH is no arbitrary breaker of dreams. HE sees each one of our hearts and desires. HE knows our dreams better than we do, and HE wants to give us the very best, much better than what we thought we wanted most of all.
We cannot see HIS plan, but if we can learn to understand HIS purpose in pain, we have gained a blessing that is indeed rare.In the breaking of our dreams, HE wants to take us yet another step higher.
HE desires for us to trust HIM with our hearts, but we hold on so tightly.
We are afraid to let go, and let HIM have what is dearest and nearest us. And HE knows that unless we are broken first, we may never realize we need to let go.
And HE is able to turn sorrow into joy.When we give HIM our dreams, HE doesn't just take away the broken pieces.
Ahh....no. HE does much more than that.When at last, I let go of the pieces I was holding on to so tightly, when I finally gave HIM my dreams, my hope, my everything, HE gathered them all up, and began to rebuild them into something more beautiful than I could ever imagine.
It is not the promise of an easy pathway, nor of constant 'sunshine' that will bring us the contentment and happiness to wait on HIM to fulfill our dreams.
It is the choice that we make, to see beyond the pain, and to trust HIS purpose.
HE has promised us strength to sing, even during the darkest moments, and this is the key to joy that is stronger, even than all our shattered dreams.I do not know if the dreams I gave to ALLAH not long ago will ever be mine again.
I cannot see ahead to know what the future holds. There are still tears in my eyes, and yet I can sing. I choose to sing, and to go on my journey, trusting that in HIS perfect time, my dreams- beyond my highest of expectations- will come true, someday.
So dear myself, HE will build your dreams too, if you'll let HIM.
To ALLAH be all glory.
Contextual Notes to 'Smoke & Mirrors' - 'Smoke & Mirrors', (*A New Ulster*). Some notes were omitted from the book *About Time: Poems & Adaptations 1993 - 2012* due to the length of the ones that...
2 weeks ago