There is a big list of things….which I don't know.
How long...hmm...I don't know for sure.
But it's long.
Very long.
I don't care about my ignorance of mundane facts....like the Earth's circumference at the equator....or who's has been punished by the court and not rendering his resignation…or who is playing in next cricket match.
I leave all this to Google…or…my beloved husband.
What bothers me is that I don't know how the decisions I make today will impact my tomorrows.
When I had my mother I used to ask her everything and always make the decision on her advise…
I don't have confidence on me…my decision making is always…very…hmm…well…what I can say…very improper…
It boggles the mind...sometimes when you have to make a choice and you find yourself all alone to decide...
hmmm...may be I am too childish...to start a life of my own...where I am the master and the solo decision maker.
What should I cook...where should I go for a picnic...what should I wear...these are all little things...and I can decide easily on them...
But decisions like...whom to meet...whom should I be nice with...whom should I avoid...how to keep the family intact together...how to have a positive impact on people and relatives...and where I should be investing my time....are some strong decisions where I always needed my mother's advise...
hmm...and since I don't have her advise now...I am scared to be openly with people and scared to render my decision to them...hmm...
My open decisions may hurt them....hmm...
How long...hmm...I don't know for sure.
But it's long.
Very long.
I don't care about my ignorance of mundane facts....like the Earth's circumference at the equator....or who's has been punished by the court and not rendering his resignation…or who is playing in next cricket match.
I leave all this to Google…or…my beloved husband.
What bothers me is that I don't know how the decisions I make today will impact my tomorrows.
When I had my mother I used to ask her everything and always make the decision on her advise…
I don't have confidence on me…my decision making is always…very…hmm…well…what I can say…very improper…
It boggles the mind...sometimes when you have to make a choice and you find yourself all alone to decide...
hmmm...may be I am too childish...to start a life of my own...where I am the master and the solo decision maker.
What should I cook...where should I go for a picnic...what should I wear...these are all little things...and I can decide easily on them...
But decisions like...whom to meet...whom should I be nice with...whom should I avoid...how to keep the family intact together...how to have a positive impact on people and relatives...and where I should be investing my time....are some strong decisions where I always needed my mother's advise...
hmm...and since I don't have her advise now...I am scared to be openly with people and scared to render my decision to them...hmm...
My open decisions may hurt them....hmm...
Greetings,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this.
The last line of your post, to me, says it all.
Your intention is present not to hurts others. It seems you obviously pay attention, with this intention.
Difficult decisions won't go away. But I can't imagine a better approach to life than not wishing to hurt others.
All good wishes,
robert
hmmm... life teaches everything... think simple,decide simple,life will automatically be simple... have a good life ahead... :-)
ReplyDeleteWhen any of the "near ones" is not around, such feelings of insecurity and anxiety keep bothering.
ReplyDeleteYou need some more time for healing after the sad demise of your mom.
Actually, we all are lined up to go sooner or later to join our dear ones in the Hereafter.
Enhance your will power and carry on with your life to please Allah SWT and the humanity.