Friday, November 18, 2011


I confess that I am not at all like my mother and elder sisters. They all are very sensitive…good cook…perfect house keeper…understanding neighbour…all the time accommodative women…more like mentor to younger people.

I literally get embarrassed on my ~easy going way~ to entertain guests…where they always have to take prior appointment to visit my house…hmm....considered as ‘not very friendly’ in neighbourhood and always blurted out bluntly something to younger people to shoo them away…

How I missed those “the good old days” as my mother always start the story with same exclamation…one of the things I love best about hearing tales of “the good old days” is the camaraderie between neighbours and the kinship that linked generations.

Little girls learned how to be women simply by being with the women in their lives.

Cooking…keeping house…taking care of babies — all the ins and outs of womanhood were learned as a matter of course…simply by one generation absorbing these things from previous ones.

This old-fashioned...front-porch style of passing on values and skills seems lost on me.

May be because I am simply too busy to be involved in other’s lives and because I am a very scattered person...hmmm....

I live hours — or even days — away from my mother and my beloved husband family.

I have more technology at my fingertips than previous ones ever dreamt possible; email...instant messaging...texting and cell phones all enable me to keep in touch with loved ones...literally at the touch of a button.

Yet I am more emotionally distant and withdrawn from those around me than generations past.

How many times I try to find out more about my next-door neighbours than their first names?

How many times have I invited friends from office into my home?

And then I think about it…why?

Since we have lost the ‘connectedness’ of our grandmothers and great-grandmothers….somehow the PERFECT WOMAN picture has been suddenly change to the one projected by Hollywood…Bollywood and not the least Lollywood…

You know what I’m talking about..hmm...

The illusion that real womanhood revolves around keeping up on the latest fashions...perfect figure..filling your home with designer furniture...driving expensive vehicles...having picture-perfect kids and a successful....mannequin-handsome husband.

If anyone finds their visitor/relative/colleague or friend to-be lives falling short of this picture-perfect scenario they discard further meetings.

And that is what making me distant from people around me…I don’t have PERFECT LIVING and PERFECT HOUSE or PREFECT WAYS to invite people…I don’t have perfect ways to become a friend… makes me shy away from people.

It’s too “risky” to ask people over for dinner. They might criticize my imperfections and it’s easier just to keep everyone a safe distance away.

The thought that perhaps some of the younger girls in my circle of friendship might like to spend some time in MY company probably doesn’t even enter my mind.

I mean…teenagers don’t like the types of things I like — they probably think I’m an old…worn-out fogey…(which I highly doubt)anyway.

I am a self-contained….self-absorbed woman and like a plant with shallow roots…I will withers on the vine.

Anyways…I love one definition of a mentor: “Someone farther down the path then you...who is going where you want to go....and who is willing to give you some light to help you get there”.

Accordingly…we can all be a mentor to someone.

So who can I invite for a little front porch chat this week?

hmm...anyone interested?


  1. You started by drawing a really unsettling picture of an atmosphere where everyone struggles to get the perfect version of everything...

    and ended up committing to give it a try to see how much truth there lies in these illusions...

    Regardless of age , I think, all one need is a common taste . Literature and writing would be 'our' topic.I would love to be invited to a front porch chit-chat with you :).

    I love the frank confessions of your views in your writing Thinking.

  2. we can all sure be a mentor to someone..if one has the will..sure possible..good post ya..

  3. The truth of generation-gap is seen all over, yet the younger ones need the direction from the senior ones.
    Age doesn't matter as long as you stay mentally and physically healthy enough to interact with people of all ages as this is the most satisfying thing.

    Old is gold, so we need our parents or elder siblings or teachers as role models around us. And by the way, the teen age is the most vulnerable age where the consciencious elders have to play an important role.

    I loved reading your post----------

  4. Thinking,

    Read all pending posts. How I wish that as Mallika Bahar you spread peace and harmony all over the world! Good sleep is a must but I think one can get used to sharing bed, if it is big enough. One should dress as per work and not for fashion parade. Bumped was hilarious but on thinking over how come he changed as those are the qualities which must have drawn him to you initially. In any relationship, particularly marriage, mutual respect is the first basic principle for happy relationship. Times change all old traditions, for good or bad is what seems as per own perceptive. But some of those surely need to be carried forward.

    Take care


    loved reading u like always....havent been around lately, and reading u after a long time felt verry refreshing=)