Explain Heat

As human beings...hmm...we invented the languages...and words...and sentences...and phrases that explains...

We...hmm....as proud inventor of our languages and faithful to our words thinks that there is nothing in this word which is in-explainable...you got words...put them into papers forward it to the person sitting next to you and after reading your words...in the language you both know (of course) will understand what you are trying to explain....or simply say them.

Never mind those who...hmm...can’t read or write and not all of us are good putting whatever we are feeling into words but besides all these people most of us have this confidence that we are able to talk so other can hear us...listen to us...believe us...understand us.

But sometimes after all one must and someday learn that there are things...feelings...or even natural bearings you can’t explain.

It is like one has to suffer that...bear it...encounter or experience it oneself to get it understood...hmm....

Then you just have to mention words like...~you know~, hope you understand~ and the other person would spin the head in affirmation and without saying any other word it would satisfy you that you have made your point.

So when my 8 years old nephew called from Canada and said that he is so happy that summer is around and he has plans of going to long rides and will have some outside Bar B Q parties with family...

I told him that summer is very different in Karachi.

He asked me how summer feels...here?

Well..hmm...it was a tough one...I tried explaining him that its very hot here...sunlight heated everything so much that you can cook an egg on your car’s windshield.

But he seems amused and said that it was funny or might be I am not a very good demonstrator...what could I say...just blurted out few more nearest examples I could catch at that point of being ridiculed by an eight years old...but failed....we closed the conversation and moved on to the other topics.

Well how can I say...hmm...that you don’t know what heat is until you are in your 1992 model Suzuki Khyber old car...in an afternoon crossing the Shahrah e Faisal road in the summer.

You can’t just come up with words that catch it.

Some might be...like...

A: Trees give up.
B: You may cook an egg on your car’s windshield...

hmmm....what else...well...describe that if you know how.

Being in the Flock means....

Any of the Aesop’s fables will do as examples to begin with...hmm...

The fox who loses his tail in a trap and then tries to persuade all the other foxes to cut theirs off, because a fox looks better that way, is a situation that may be paralleled in human experience easily enough.

So...don't think its only with the animals...its with us human beings too...Aesop was very good in his fables....suits us all...hmm...

As I said there are others always trying to tell you what is better for you...making decisions for you knowing you least makes them more confident that they are doing a good job...less they know you the more determined they will be in making decisions for you.

I want to know that why I can’t make my voice heard...I tried few times explaining but seems like whether I am not talking the same language they do or perhaps I am just pretending to be talking while there is no voice at all coming from my mouth what so ever....like I said...I am not a fox without a tail...yah...so persuading is not my hidden talent...

As in Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Robert Bach said: Don’t believe what your eyes are telling you. All they show is limitation. Look with your understanding, find out what you already know, and you’ll see the way to fly.

To be different means to be alone...outcast....sitting where no one wants to sit beside you...isolated...I might not like their decisions for me but I also don’t want to be an outcast.

And I really don’t want to be different...isolated...a fox who loses its tail...I don’t want to work hard to make others believe that they will look better without the tail so get rid of it...I don’t want to be the one telling people that all their eyes showing them is false limitations...

I just want to be with the flock and be happy and gay as human feels with their fellow beings...so I don’t want anyone to stare at me and exclaimed ...ohh my my...whats happened to you? Or something like ohh...where is your tail...have you lost it accidently?

I just want to be like all of them...however if being with the flock means losing my common sense and reasoning...hmm...I might give it a second thought...(wink)

ME within me !

There is one ME within me, deep inside of me ~ Yunus Emre

One day Nasreddin Hodja lost the key of his treasure.

Although he searched the street in front of his house and around the neighbouring houses, as well as along the road to the village, he couldn’t find it anywhere.

So he called on his neighbours to help him find the key.

They also looked high and low and all around the village but to no avail. It was as if the ground had opened and swallowed it up.

Fortunately, sometime later, it occurred to one of the neighbours to ask the Hodja;

“Hodja, are you sure you dropped the key outside ?”

“Oh no, “ the Hodja said, “I dropped it inside, but to search outside is easier, that’s why I am searching out here.”

hmmm...I imitate ME...but this is not ME...this is someone look like me...wearing my face and having my voice...believe me I am not ME.

And does this really matters to you if you come to know that while talking to me you are not actually talking to Me...but the one imitating ME?

hmm...I think thats the whole point...just because what OTHERS will think about me I have to imitate...had I care less myself would not be imitating ME and would have been happily living being myself.

You know what...I think I am searching the key somewhere or from someone I never will find...perhaps new place...or new god???

hmm...so my dear dear Lord...now would YOU please tell me once for all that whether YOU want me to find ME or should I go somewhere else...to someone else for help?

...and being always a devoted slave....my parting words (as always) would be...

hmm....to ALLAH be all glory.

Outsourcing Old Age !

I watched “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”, hmm...I know its old but I happen to watched it just yesterday.

At one point Sonny (Manager of the Marigold Hotel trying to persuade his mother to let him run the hotel till its success he said):

I have a dream, MummyJi, a most brilliant one. To outsource old age! And it is not just for the British, there are many other countries where they don't like old people too! 

I questioned myself…hmm...is it possible?

Not for the countries outsourcing their old people but us outsourcing our own selves…to outsource part of our life?

And is it not that we do…did already…outsource some part of our life sometimes to our family…sometime to our so called soul mate sometime intentionally sometimes its unintentionally.

Isn’t that at some or other point of our life there are people who demand the rights of our time…and how we consider that?

We think this is the reason of our life to do favours…or may be we don’t even call them favours but the way we spend our life like a honeybee spent whole life collecting bee we human beings spend whole life building someone else’s life which we think that we are doing it for ourselves…we are building our own life…these are like regular little savings…on which we can rely on old age…and at the end of the world what we come to know…hmm...?

 My parents has all of us(six of us) and most of us left them at their old age…why is that when a person worked whole life…gave his/her best years to someone / children at the end of life have to be alone…why people do like to be with young ones but like to be away from old ones?

I also think about my old age…I know few of the friends are being very humble and nice and would say…something nice but the truth is that although I am getting wiser at the same time I am getting older…well its not that I am afraid of my old age…also I don’t mind if my country want to outsource my old age since I know I have not been very nice to it in my better years…instead I was thinking if by that time (within few years) this outsourcing the old age has gone under certain developments and has become a very organized or systematized itself to perfection and they would let us choose the country…”and my dear little old lady…where you like to go to die..?”

They would ask me…and I…I might ask for the map...hmm…but why not start my home work just now…while I have eye sight…can type and google the places…?

As in one point Evelyn said : (about the new environment) Initially you're overwhelmed. But gradually you realize it's like a wave. Resist, and you'll be knocked over. Dive into it, and you'll swim out the other side.

Taking that advise...hmm...I don’t want to resist my old age…it is inevitable…yes ofcourse I don’t know may be I die before I come to my old age but I want to swim out to the other side of the life (which is life after death)…not just let it happen but to be prepared for it…come what may…you will find me gay (as in happy).

So suggest me places where you think little old lady like me can go to die… hmm.... !

I am sorry !

I am sorry that I rushed away from you.

hmm...I am sorry that I leave you.

I am sorry that I no longer talk to you…leaving you was crucial not for me…but for your own sake and safety…hmm...

Believe me that seeing you achieving whatever I dreamed of was getting on my nerve…it started with jealousy and suddenly becomes desire to hurt…to see tears…to watch you fall..to make you loose whatever you have gained…if I had not left you I would had done something to make you fall…or may be I would have hurt you so badly that…but I didn’t let it happened and so not let’s not talk about that.

I know that you still think about me…although you have become so accomplished and a complete professional you still get time to think about me and my suddenly vanishing out of your life and still you are not able to put the jig saw puzzles back to there place so combined you get the actual picture… so that it may satisfy you that it was not your fault…but fault is not mine as well…

I think its in human nature….we do get jealous…we do hurt people…we do like others to fall from their higher places to pieces…however I admit…in our friendship…if you still want to call it Friendship…or was that mere likeness of thoughts…commonality at that moment of life between us…whatever was that…

I admit that my fault was quitting….I could have talk to you about it…you might have find some ways out…why I couldn’t talk about US to you…?

My fault is that I didn’t even give our friendship/commonality any further thought…as if it is not that important…doesn’t worth our talking seriously about it…I thought about it…saved my own respect and left you alone to wonder WHY…HOW…you have done something to make me a stranger.

So please understand that this is not YOU…the reason was me…I couldn’t just stand your progress…I couldn’t swallow it…

I am a very jealous person and I became jealous of you extremely and by doing this I not even started hurting you but also I was loosing my self respect…

I was loosing my image on mirror as if I never had any image…and to save my own image in my eyes and yours too I had to leave.

And I know that you will never forgive me and I can’t or will never ask for your forgiveness…and we never will be friend again…will never share any joke…any gossip or even a simple smile…twinkling of eyes…happiness to see each other once more after so long of waiting or talking endlessly on phone…or your sharing your simple innocent jokes about your family…or mine telling you about something foolish…

Believe me you that I love you…that I miss you everyday…and I just want to tell you so much that leaving you was not at all easy.