I am sorry that I rushed away from you.
hmm...I am sorry that I leave you.
I am sorry that I no longer talk to you…leaving you was crucial not for me…but for your own sake and safety…hmm...
Believe me that seeing you achieving whatever I dreamed of was getting on my nerve…it started with jealousy and suddenly becomes desire to hurt…to see tears…to watch you fall..to make you loose whatever you have gained…if I had not left you I would had done something to make you fall…or may be I would have hurt you so badly that…but I didn’t let it happened and so not let’s not talk about that.
I know that you still think about me…although you have become so accomplished and a complete professional you still get time to think about me and my suddenly vanishing out of your life and still you are not able to put the jig saw puzzles back to there place so combined you get the actual picture… so that it may satisfy you that it was not your fault…but fault is not mine as well…
I think its in human nature….we do get jealous…we do hurt people…we do like others to fall from their higher places to pieces…however I admit…in our friendship…if you still want to call it Friendship…or was that mere likeness of thoughts…commonality at that moment of life between us…whatever was that…
I admit that my fault was quitting….I could have talk to you about it…you might have find some ways out…why I couldn’t talk about US to you…?
My fault is that I didn’t even give our friendship/commonality any further thought…as if it is not that important…doesn’t worth our talking seriously about it…I thought about it…saved my own respect and left you alone to wonder WHY…HOW…you have done something to make me a stranger.
So please understand that this is not YOU…the reason was me…I couldn’t just stand your progress…I couldn’t swallow it…
I am a very jealous person and I became jealous of you extremely and by doing this I not even started hurting you but also I was loosing my self respect…
I was loosing my image on mirror as if I never had any image…and to save my own image in my eyes and yours too I had to leave.
And I know that you will never forgive me and I can’t or will never ask for your forgiveness…and we never will be friend again…will never share any joke…any gossip or even a simple smile…twinkling of eyes…happiness to see each other once more after so long of waiting or talking endlessly on phone…or your sharing your simple innocent jokes about your family…or mine telling you about something foolish…
Believe me you that I love you…that I miss you everyday…and I just want to tell you so much that leaving you was not at all easy.
hmm...I am sorry that I leave you.
I am sorry that I no longer talk to you…leaving you was crucial not for me…but for your own sake and safety…hmm...
Believe me that seeing you achieving whatever I dreamed of was getting on my nerve…it started with jealousy and suddenly becomes desire to hurt…to see tears…to watch you fall..to make you loose whatever you have gained…if I had not left you I would had done something to make you fall…or may be I would have hurt you so badly that…but I didn’t let it happened and so not let’s not talk about that.
I know that you still think about me…although you have become so accomplished and a complete professional you still get time to think about me and my suddenly vanishing out of your life and still you are not able to put the jig saw puzzles back to there place so combined you get the actual picture… so that it may satisfy you that it was not your fault…but fault is not mine as well…
I think its in human nature….we do get jealous…we do hurt people…we do like others to fall from their higher places to pieces…however I admit…in our friendship…if you still want to call it Friendship…or was that mere likeness of thoughts…commonality at that moment of life between us…whatever was that…
I admit that my fault was quitting….I could have talk to you about it…you might have find some ways out…why I couldn’t talk about US to you…?
My fault is that I didn’t even give our friendship/commonality any further thought…as if it is not that important…doesn’t worth our talking seriously about it…I thought about it…saved my own respect and left you alone to wonder WHY…HOW…you have done something to make me a stranger.
So please understand that this is not YOU…the reason was me…I couldn’t just stand your progress…I couldn’t swallow it…
I am a very jealous person and I became jealous of you extremely and by doing this I not even started hurting you but also I was loosing my self respect…
I was loosing my image on mirror as if I never had any image…and to save my own image in my eyes and yours too I had to leave.
And I know that you will never forgive me and I can’t or will never ask for your forgiveness…and we never will be friend again…will never share any joke…any gossip or even a simple smile…twinkling of eyes…happiness to see each other once more after so long of waiting or talking endlessly on phone…or your sharing your simple innocent jokes about your family…or mine telling you about something foolish…
Believe me you that I love you…that I miss you everyday…and I just want to tell you so much that leaving you was not at all easy.
Very expressive silence in between the lines.
ReplyDeleteSuch an honest post, it takes a lot to realise and write about such follies in ones ownslef
ReplyDeletehmm...Dar Sahib thank you so much for coming. I am glad you like the post. I am honored.
ReplyDeleteWomanInLove...thank you so much. Do you have a name/nick ..its not like I don't want to write whole WomanInLove but it will be a bit intimate to write something more specific of you...by the way I am honored that you came.
ReplyDeleteHey I prefer being anonymous as I faced issues when I used to blog with my real name. But you can cal me Raji. Am glad I came here
ReplyDeletehmm...good to know you Raji. I am honored that you came here.
ReplyDelete