Guest Post: NF Paracha - A Square All-Rounder

(I was looking for this blog for long! Without further ado...! In praise of Hazrat Nadeem F Paracha prophet of absurdity, slang and no-bodiness...) 

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NF Paracha - A Square All-Rounder

By: Syed Aal-e-Imran

Source : http://tajzia.wordpress.com/ 

Nadeem Farooq Paracha is one of the most widely respected intellectual giants of the country. Throughout his life, he has dedicated himself to contribute towards the betterment of the society on issues of critical importance. 

During the 1990s, when The News ran its ‘Vibes’ section in its weekend supplement, NFP, as he is affectionately known, made priceless contribution by highlighting some of the most critical issues relevant to the masses some of which are as follows: 

1. Top Ten Songs of All-Time in Pakistani Pop Music (revisited and updated at least thrice with Sar Kiye Yeh Pahar by Strings always coming out on top)

2. Top Ten Albums of All-Time in Pakistani Pop Music (again, revisited and updated a number of times Vital Signs Vol. 2 featuring Junaid Junaid Pakistan was always up there)

3. Precursors of Psychedelic Rock 

4. The Earth, Wind, Fire and Water in Rock Music 

5. The fact that Pepsi destroyed Vital Signs and other bands 

6. Perils of Bubblegum Pop 

7. Musicians and why they had no right to have sponsorships 

8. Dinosaur Acts 

9. Aatish Raj and how to sit and mindlessly roll a coke bottle on guitar strings and record it noise and release it as music 

10. Several literary masterpieces that should have been acted out – they were proper dramas with heroes such as ‘Junaid Junaid Pakistan’ 

Thereafter, he disappeared till a millennium went away and another came our way. 

He then resurfaced and started writing for Dawn and has increasingly become more focused on politics. Such has been his dedication that he exposes Jamaat-e-Islami, Maududi and at times, Tableeghi Jamaat as well, everytime he writes. Imran Khan too always gets the limelight he deserves. There are occasional references to Junaid Jamshed as well – very few people remember that in 1995, in his Vibes column, NFP had written an exposition of Junaid for supporting Imran Khan. Junaid had written that ‘Imran Khan remains the only Pakistani who promised his nation something and then actually delivered it’. 

NFP is an expert on Jihadi outfits as well and has actually read Amir Mir’s book himself. Similarly, his very statement that ‘the 2008 Mumbai attacks’ that were ‘undertaken by Pakistani Jihadis’ is the final word – Pakistanis never budge to American or Indian Pressure. You have to believe him when he implies that ‘The Dawah’ and Taliban have the same agenda. He is also correct when he clarifies the retro-Maududi’ist and Tablighi notions of ‘Islamic Society’ which have no difference. Very few have had better grips of Syed Qutb and Maududi that he has. Not many realize, for example, the death of Mustafa Akkad was actually an admission of failure from the proponent of Maududified Qutubi ideologies. 

NFP’s expertise is not limited to politics, music – he is the ultimate (read square) all-rounder and can write and talk endlessly on any issue till kingdom come. He knows more about cricket and its management than Imran Khan and others ever did. It is extremely saddening to realize that Pakistani cricket team was 

humiliated in the 2007 World Cup which was lost because Tableeghi Jamaat exists as testified by NFP. P. J. Mir also said that and Bob Woolmer would have done the same had he been alive. It is unfortunate that two important members of the team, Shoaib Akhtar and Muhammad Asif, could not deliver at the time because they could not get the NFP recipe for getting things right. Because he is an expert on cricket, you have to believe him that Waqar was appointed captain in 1999 even if he only played two tests and two one-dayers that year. That is because Khalid Hassan said so too. Munir Hussain, that old sadist, was entirely wrong when he mentioned in his World Cup 1992 account that Khalid Hassan spread lies about the Pakistan Team. His eyes lied. Nadeem’s pen didn’t. 

If we were to follow Nadeem Farooq Paracha’s thought, the world would be diarrhea-free, conspiracy-theory-free. Everyone would be applying Aafia Beauty and Bleach Cream all the time made from the flesh of that terrorist criminal, the Amazon-like Dr. Aafia Siddiqui who can easily tackle half a dozen American Marines on her own and snatch a gun from them. Everyone would ensure that Farhat Hashmi is bashed every time anything is discussed. In fact, every discussion should start with an exposition of Farhat Hashmi.

Nadeem Farooq Paracha can read between the lines. He knows that these silly SMSs, despite the fact that they are at times actually contain fabricated Hadiths, are actually aiming to make people respect Hadiths. So he has done a great service to humanity byexposing this grand conspiracy. In fact, it is not a conspiracy but a fact because Nadeem Farooq Paracha doesn’t believe in conspiracies and because he doesn’t believe in conspiracies, they do not exist.

We love Nadeem Farooq Paracha for his humble, honest, well-informed, anarchic, Marxist, non-fascist and any-other-prefix-that-he-loves opinions and his highly ethically, completely-in-line-with-journalistic ethics, his ethically and humble ethical personality.

What would we have done without him? Our limited knowledge is nothing compared to the encyclopedia that Nadeem Farooq Paracha is. Hence, we do not know if he believes in Paradise. But if he did, he would be the first to enter it.