Some of you may know about my intense fear of spiders...hmmm...
Any other creepy crawlies (apart from ants) don't bother me even though I could never touch any with my bare hands.
I have...on occasions....skipped a shower or a bath because they have been graced with the presence of one of these fly-eating creatures.
Should I have one in my bedroom it is always the Beloved Husband who is called to the rescue.
I am afraid my ridiculous phobia seems to have been passed to me from my mother.
Not something I am proud of...hmmm....
There have been the odd times when I have felt so overwhelmed with bravery that I have gathered half a toilet roll in which to capture the terrifyingly hideous sight but it has to be an exceptionally small beasty in order for me to undertake such an act.
The vacuum cleaner has also been known to suck a few up but as I prefer not to kill them this is usually a last resort.
Some of the spiders in this house....I can confidently say....shop at English Boot House Shop.
I would recognize their clogged footsteps anywhere and I do wonder if they take advantage of an empty house whilst trying my shoes.
Perhaps I should have CCTV installed just to eliminate possible spider activity;
However....without further ado....and before I have another nightmare...I must tell you what happened on tonight.
Whilst sat up in my beloved bed watching… (Sorry can’t tell you what I was watching….).
I heard a rather strange commotion coming from the room to my left.
Having already seen the beloved husband running around I assumed the noises were being made by him.
I lent towards the door...half in-half out of bed...calling to him...and just as my head turned a fraction back towards the right....there it was
1: a big
4: tarantula sized
5: 12 legged
....black spider......strolling casually away from me....on the pillow.
"Baahhhh!" I screamed....funny you didn't hear me...hmmmm.....
I certainly scared wonderlegs....as off she shot...down the back of the bed.
In a split second I found myself stood at the foot of the bed...my legs having frozen...my head unable to move whilst my eyes were on stalks...doing a light fandango around the bed.
After 5 minutes...probably giving the spider enough time to report back to base...I set about stripping the bed.
“Watching....that”….didn't seem that important anymore.
The tarantula's older brother was of course nowhere to be seen and I reluctantly put the bed back together again...my eyes almost assuming their natural position.
But now I had a problem...hmm...where had the 15 legged creature from the abyss disappeared to?
It seemed to have vanished into the ether and I needed to go to bed.
Sitting at the foot of the bed I pondered my dilemma and came up with a cunning plan.
I would sleep in the living room.
The Beloved husband could have the spider infested bed to himself and once the spider had decided to come out from hiding...she could keep him company.
One “venturesome” on the bed is better than none at all.
And if I do ever see that 20 legged tormentor again...I won't think twice about reaching for the vacuum.
If it thinks it can get away with exhibiting itself on my bed...it has its death coming.
Contextual Notes to 'Smoke & Mirrors' - 'Smoke & Mirrors', (*A New Ulster*). Some notes were omitted from the book *About Time: Poems & Adaptations 1993 - 2012* due to the length of the ones that...
2 weeks ago