Surrender or face my glory / fury...

I am living in my mother’s apartment now…there is a very big mosque besides this apartment building…hmmm....when she was alive and I used to visit her…she once or twice mentioned how ridiculous or sometimes funny yet extreme sermons our neighbour’s mosque delivers.

I am sorry I don’t want to be offensive here…I never pay attention to my mother’s remarks that time since I hardly had confidence on her hearing…but now as I am living here and can hear the sermons very well…I don’t know what to call them….extreme…ridiculous….humorous…

Sometime I really want to shut all the doors and windows as not to hear them but since its besides our apartment I can’t block the voice.

Let me give you some of the sermons lines or prayers (dua) lines after the namaz…hmm...

1: Ya Allah…let the women who wears patloon (Jeans…Pants) go to hell…they are the stray one from our religion….(and the answer from the crowd…) Ameen.

2: Ya Allah…let the women who wears mascara…blush on…lipstick…eye liner (and I am not kidding these are the exact wordings…he knows what we…women do for make up…this is called rich in general information…yah ?) be killed and burn forever in hell these are the one who makes other good muslim women stray from the true path….(and the loud and clear answer from the crowd…) Ameen.

3: And if you think that your woman is not in your control…beat her…punish her until she submit herself fully to your wishes and command….

I hope this is enough to give you the idea… And why….

The Friday Sermons has so much to do with women?

Don’t these men has anything else to talk about…look around us…we are surrounded with miseries…poverty…joblessness…and these moulanas got only women to send to hell?

It seems so different…changed now…had I not heard him I think I would’ve not believed it….hmm...

Why there is no check or quality control authority to hear or read their sermons and could correct these moulanas…?

There are so many schools now offering special courses on Quran and Tafseer…there are others offering 5 years diploma in Quran and Ahadees…the media is full of information on Islam and how to follow the rules…even with all these open information our moulanas are going towards such extremism…is very distressing.

hmm...To Allah be all glory.

What I want

The year previous to last year for me Ramzan was scabrous (you may get it by reading ):   What I have done

I grumbled a lot…criticizing my busy schedule…and was not very happy with the people around me who I thought had jointly made a plan against me so that I can’t submit myself to my lord the way a Muslim should do in this holy month....hmmm....

But this year…its very different…all my relations are reduce to shreds…some pass away…some gone abroad…and few who were left…I got rid of them…by showing utter “couldn’t care less” attitude(though it was very very hard for me to be like one…nonetheless…I did it ! )…by the arrival of Ramzan I finally conquered to release myself from everyone…and everything…

So now what???

I should be happy??

That’s what I asked for…Isn’t it?

I should return to my Lord....hmm....My Maker (To HIM be all glory) with zeal…sincerely…eagerly the way I wanted it…and should not raise my head from the prayer mat…or should have recited the Quran Shareef after every hour since I have nothing to do.

Now no one is waiting for me to talk to her….or to listen to her…no one is here to ask me to take them to market for Eid shopping…no one is there to ask me to meet up at iftaar…no one is asking me to come to their place for Sehri…no one…sometimes I in the habit of being surrounded with my loved ones stopped reciting and listen carefully if someone from distance has announced my name…someone in need of my company…someone who has finally decided to ask me out for iftaari…but…there is no one….as I have finally achieved my freedom to be alone...that is what I wanted…endured for…worked for…and got it. 

But now since I have achieved what I wanted why than there is a pang of remorse in my heart…may be that’s not what I wanted…it seems like I wanted it…but I didn’t mean it…may be I liked to whine…may be that’s exactly what I am doing right now…may be this is how I blamed others for me…being reckless with religious obligations…I used to save myself and accused others…they were not between me and my Lord…but they were the reason to enhance…to elevate…to increase my thirst to be with my Lord…??? The more I got busy the more I longed for HIM….Is it???

May be this is how our Lord has made this world…life…we should endure every relationship skilfully and should return to Lord whenever find time…I mean…the best thing about Lord is…you don’t have to explain or give reasons for not being with HIM…He is the only ONE who understands !

I hope HE understand what I want now...hmm....

Nervous Reaction !

Now if you are a Nuclear Scientist...hmm.... it is very easy for you to control or to understand chain reactions…

You know…if not enough atoms get excited…means…the reaction died…it does not work the way you wanted it…
....while if too many atoms get excited means…RUN…it’s the radiation leak…the reaction is out of control…it will blow the whole building…run…run…save yourself…or your honey…or darling…or a dog…or a cat…at least that’s what they usually show in movies…yah…

But I am not worried about the chain reactions at all as I am not the one working on them or even don’t know anyone working with them…so no worries…

hmm...what I am worried about is the nervous reaction…of course my own nervous reaction and the most unhappy part is that I am the only one knows my own nervous reactions.

I am the only one who will bear the consequences in time of its being out of control since my nervous reactions can’t blow the whole building…I wish it could….or it can’t even scare a cat or dog…or anyone around me...people hardly know what's going on inside my head.

It’s only me…myself…I…who knows that inside my head my nervous reaction is getting out of my hands…

Lets say…

In a party....hmm...Person no. 1: …ohh…you have left your husband home again…?

Person no. 2: …ohh…you left your job…again?

Person no. 3:…why don’t you go abroad…?

Then 10th one…why not studies again?

Then 20th one…why not children…?

Then there are too many to handle…and suddenly I wanted to shout… RUN…Save yourself.….nervous reaction is out of control now.

I guess shouting "RADIATION LEAK!" wouldn't help...or would it?

Devinely Playboy

hmm...I just recently watched Star Trek into Darkness and Iron Man (didn’t know what part or series was it as it was just to be with family I went to watch it).

But the thing which I observed in both the movies were….

1:

Is it not the world now seems to yarn for a super hero? There are so many SuperHeroes movies are releasing everyday and I see boys and gilrs talking about those super heroes.

Super Hero...or a Super Human being...hmmm...who can make things straight or make everything right or someone the common people can hold on…
can lean on or to look for the solution…
someone who is not in the politics…
someone who is simple...innocent...don't know the way of world... yet strong enough…bold and clever enough to stand on his ground not for his goals but for masses too….
hmm...and its seems like we are now looking…yarning…waiting desperately for a DEVINE person…a person who is not of this world…

and
2:

If you have also observe it than its so much to do with discrimination and I don’t know how women are allowing it..hmm...since I am seriously thinking about it…

...have you noticed that all these smart heroes…who are very genuine…smart…they care about their family…friends and more over their countrymen…have a playboy type of nature…they play with women and they don’t care about women at all…

...and why I am getting this feeling that now all the movies having a decent goal like protecting the innocents or taking care of the country or fighting for the weak but somehow also giving the message that being in a serious affair with a woman or being a family man makes you zero….

They now projecting a super hero image as....if you are a man…smart and brave you must think women as a play toy and nothing more…

Why is that we still believe that women are weak creatures not only physically but mentally too….they have weak characters and Hero of the movie is so smart (I usually find them oversmart) that he can take any women by just smiling at her….hmm...why is that one of the strongest point of being a hero is to play around with women?

And just consider that at one point we are accepting the person as our saviour and the one who is our only hope while at the same time he can’t have a serious affair with a woman?

But I don’t think that this is all…I mean can we accept a divinely sent to be a non serious person or even to some extent a womanizer really want to know that was I the only one who observed this or this is what it is…hmm…anyone else? 

You are nothing...but a mistake !

I don’t know why people you once valued so much turned out to be somehow your life time mistake.

Lets suppose that person is “A”...hmmm....

You want to go back so badly when you first make that comment...slight movement of your eyes or even the gesture and attracted A.

You first think of A as someone worth your care....respect and even love.

You respected As’ identity and also like to share A’s dreams…visions and goals.

You always consider A’s need above yours and never ridicule A’s grief no matter how small or foolish you find them...hmm....sometimes you shed tears silently on A's griefs...hmm...you prayed for A pathetically.

You always try to out dialogue A’s recent regrets...anger....or even hatred.

You tried to be there for A whenever or whatever you are doing you replied A’s text within seconds…no matter for which you have to stopped eating…sleeping…or even breathing.

You pardon A of not being in contact only when A is in need. You pardoned A for not replying your emails. You pardoned A for ignoring all your text unless A is free or is bored.

You read A’s emails with so much care and enthusiasm and replied with same zeal and consciousness that your words not hurt A’s feeling while A always replied curtly…snapped with bitter words and soon after A again emailed you to tell you that A always says the truth and truth hurts.

You first think A’s vision as a sacred one…you think that A is on better ground than you and you believed that by A’s side you are actually helping that sacred vision to be a reality.

You mentioned this to A so many times that this is why you seeks for A’s friendship because A is having a dream…a vision worth a reality..hmm....

But here when A start taking your friendship for granted what you do?

Here A started playing games with you…you tried to disclose your intentions of being with A…or to talk to A…or to text to A…based only on the sacred visions…friendship which is a sacred relationship and your own restrains because of cultural responsibilities…but what A do…?...

A always text you or call you or email you that A wants to discuss our common interests but soon when you come in contact with A….A takes you down.

And you are too ashamed to even mention it to yourself.

hmm..what else we can call such valuable people of our life...nothing but a mistake.