Wednesday, June 8, 2011


It is a beautiful spring’s day many years ago...the sun shining shimmery-hot and the world vividly green and rich.

She’s six years old and all dressed up in a ghaghra type blue checked dress...her brown hair pretty and pulled back in a bow.

Her brothers and sisters are dressed is fitting for such an important occasion.

For someone is getting married today.

It’s the first time she’s been to a wedding and it is so exciting.

The party is small and the ceremony takes place right there in her family’s living room....the couches and furniture moved out for the day and rows of chairs set in place for guests.

She very badly wants to shower the flowers on the bride and groom and is upset when she is told...‘no...there isn’t going to be anything like that.’

But she holds her tongue and swings her feet in Sunday shoes against the rungs of her chair as she waits for it all to begin.

She watches the bride come with two of her elder cousins..past the rows of her groom.
She watches them after they sat on the same sofa…watches them making room for the other people to sit besides them...their smile…nods….watches as they feed each other kheer (sweet) and watches as the photographer takes photos of them in the garden.

The bride is as beautiful as a princess in her eyes and both she and the groom look so grown up.

She always remembers that first one...snapshots of it distinct and warm in her memory...that first wedding when she was little.

And she dreams of one day...of being a beautiful bride and of a man to be her husband and groom.

She dreams of love that will last forever and be as secure as rock..hmmm....just like her parents... just like the fairy tales.

Time speeds by and as she watches…well...she learns as time goes by...that happily-ever-afters aren’t always a given.

And one day...that first bride and groom find they’ve lost that joyous-in-love and have become two-apart instead of two-together-as-one.

On that day...that little girl turned grown-up cried.

She cried for them and every other bride and groom that she saw turn away from each other.

And she wondered…wondered so many things.

That little girl in ghaghra type blue checked dress was me...over so many years ago.

I’m no longer a little girl – I’m all ‘grown-up’ though sometimes I don’t feel it – and I no longer see things as black-and-white as I used to;

I know that this world is never perfect and sin hurts...hurts...hurts and can turn two-together into two-apart.

I know that my MAKER never promises us happily-ever-afters....but I know that He hurts when He sees sin break us.

And I know that sometimes love dies...sometimes love is killed...whether by both or one.

I know this.

And as I prepared for our my beloved husband and I prepare to begin life together-as-one....I can’t help but think of that first wedding I went to.

So perfect...with every hope and expectation of happily-ever-after…only to end in divorce...separation and two-no-longer-one.

I think of it and it scared me.

I can’t control the ending of our ‘story.’

Maybe that’s what I feared.

I can’t make our love last forever because love requires two people freely giving to each other and if I force him to love me won’t work because love cannot be forced.

It’s a leap of faith....this loving and committing to marriage.

It’s promising him my love and holding fast to God’s grace and strength to do so....during good times and bad.

It’s believing and trusting that his promise of the same to me is true.

And most’s keeping God as the center of our world and keeping Him our joint focus.

Love is an action and there will be days when I won’t feel like loving him...hmmm....

I won’t feel like holding my tongue against sharp words.....

...nor will I feel like washing his clothes or sitting next to him at dinning table.

We’re both human and we are going to hurt each other...we will let each other down and sometimes....we won’t act out love as we should.

We aren’t perfect.

And with that realization....we’ll remember....only through God’s grace and love....we can do this:



  1. very well written ,expressed in an excellent manner ...
    I usually love your writing's seem to be some long lost friend of mine ;)
    tc..god bless

  2. Thats so very true..and you have written it with amazing expressions..and it just leave me wondering and feels like this thought is never going to have a full stop..and i really wish to know can there be never a happy ending ever?


  3. The piece is written beautifully and skillfully as always.
    What I always find disconcerting is about understanding of love and always want to give my opinion on that, whether it is found little odd by many. The sentence that made me sad is :
    “And I know that sometimes love dies...sometimes love is killed...whether by both or one.”
    Thinking, people die, people are killed, love never dies, love is never killed. What dies in a relationship is the desire that two people had, and we can’t name a desire as love. Love is something that does not need reciprocation, so a thing that needs that is not love. Love means to free the other person from possession.

    The picture at top is lovely and seems that we know her!

  4. Beautifully written, Thinking! Love, Honour and Cherish. This is true for every relationship. Wish you luck!

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  6. Thinking,

    Read 2 posts now. Once two persons agree on something for whatever the reasons be, it has to be honoured unless it is something which causes unwanted happiness for them. On this one, marriage is something where all those, not only husband and wife, involved have to understand and contribute for it's success. It is only when you live together 24 X 7 that you know each other actually, no matter how long you may have known each other and families. If you find time, do read my post For Happy Married Life written in 3 parts in Oct - Nov 2009 and give your valuable views. Oh, you have not visited me for sometime. I had thanked you in one of my posts for completing century for me.

    Take care

  7. love dies when we start relationship with no intention of being truthful to relationship of husban of wife the space you talked about is only possible when we have full confidence on our partner that he/she will ot give any other person the place we have already taken in their life.but when we saw that the our significant other has bestowed the attention toeards others the one find it fraud and take away his/her attention and love from spouse. may be your writing too much on this blog and spendin too much time on this blog would turn your husban away from you? do you know how much time you regularly wast here, may be 12 out of 24?
    how you do that? from where you get that much time? are you a house wife and ha nothing to do only to sit by the computer and wait to appear something in your mind so that you can write about it on the blog and would wait again for other to comment on it?

    lady(i believed which you are not), get a life.

    i liked the photo too, seemed like you have plenty of good friends and you can use their pictures freely. do they know that you have giving this particular friend the HONOR to have place on your blog post?

    but i like the way you write. like all of your blogs.

  8. i really do understand the part where u feel like your love has died...

    and i totally agree about keeping God in the center, because thats how you get over the hard parts:)

    like always, loved reading you..

  9. Dar Sahib's answer is so true of my own understanding and experience as well after many years of marriage and friendship.

    What do you think of his?

  10. hmm...Harman

    Thank you so much for cherishing the post with me....

    And I am honored to learn that I looked like your lost friend...I wish I could be that friend of yours...

    Thanks again for taking out the time.

    I am honored.

  11. Alcina

    Happy Endings...depends on us...dear...what we consider happy ending depends on what we want from life...

    Happily Ever not a myth or any mathematical calculation....its just an attitude...just a gesture...a smile...even a chuckle can give us Happily ever after feeliing...

    hmm...but first we must know...ourself....

    I am honored that you came.

  12. hmm....Dar Sahib...

    Yoiu are right as always....the dying of love I mentioned is also a kind of love...but the love which is on first stage...and can shift the attention towards one to other...

    And that's the love..which can be killed or diverted....

    hmm...may be we will discuss about it when we meet....again...soon.

    Thanks for your coming. I am honored.

  13. hmm....Komal Ali

    Always nice to have you....and always a pleasure to read you...

    Thanks for coming. I am honored.

  14. hmm....Cloud Nine

    Thanks alot for boost my spirits...

    I am honroed to have you.

  15. hmmm...Jack

    Thanks for giving me the honor for mentioning me on your blog.

    I will soon visit your mentioned post and will comment on that....

    Meanwhile...thank you once again. I am honored.

  16. hmm... Sharmeela

    Thanks alot for coming. I am honored.

  17. hmm....Zee

    So glad that you take out time for glad to see you back....

    I am honored. And thank you for appriciating my writing....

  18. Dear Conie....

    Busy you are as always...but still take out time for us...and it love endure through the time....

    I don't have wise words like Dar Sahib to explore on the vision of love...but yes...we can have debate...all three of us...if you make a point where we can meet and talk about it...endlessly and tirelessly....what you say?

  19. Very very well writing and well expressed. Love is an action?? I haven't known what is love other than what parents make us feel, true and deep. Something like true love exists?? I have no beliefs on that sometimes when I see mostly love marriages ending up in a disaster or even more confessions and broken hearts =/

  20. It's a pleasure having you visit my blog. Thank you :)

  21. hmmm...Dear Ph...

    So nice to see you

    I am honored that you remember my blog.

    Thanks again.