Chin in my hands I kept brooding over recent incidents...I really wanted to go out have some ice cream and be cooled...at least for a while...instead....cemented on the chair...kept thinking....hmm...
You can forgive every other person in this world...the thief who stole your purse...the milkman who charged you more... plumber cheated you on kitchen’s basin...drivers high jacked your car park...neighbourhood children putting elfi in your door lock.... if someday any of them turn to you miserable...and ask for your forgiveness...what you going to do..hmm...?
You will simply smile no matter how you really wanted to slap the person you will emit the words..like...
okay okay no big deal...
dont feel bad...I either...
sorry I don’t even remember that...
hmm...thats what you gonna say embarrassed enough to get rid of the situation as soon as possible as if you are the one confessing your sin...asking forgiveness...you will simply give them a chance to be a better person to the next person they will meet...even if they failed to be one with you...to you...
So it is easy to forgive...and yet so hard if it is to forgive one own self...to forget and to move ahead...to be better person next time...why I could not forgive myself?
Even as an adult...coming to this age...getting wiser everyday has not change anything...my status is still like...hmm...brooding over mistakes...lies...oversight....
I still wish that I could go back and change things :
the ungainly lies my mouth emitted...
the insecurity I had felt...
all the innocent mistakes I made or were them not innocent?
I am trying hard to give me reasons for my perversion...but all I feel is the resentment...hatred and rage against myself. I should not have done that...I should not have accepted that....
I should have known that forgiving is very hard especially when it comes for one own self...every day every time whenever I ask myself for pardon I got the fit of furry...for myself.
I failed myself to be myself....I have disappointed myself...humiliated myself.
And no matter how I reason with myself...I just can’t forgive myself.
hmm...what a lovely...holly word this is...FORGIVEN.
You can forgive every other person in this world...the thief who stole your purse...the milkman who charged you more... plumber cheated you on kitchen’s basin...drivers high jacked your car park...neighbourhood children putting elfi in your door lock.... if someday any of them turn to you miserable...and ask for your forgiveness...what you going to do..hmm...?
You will simply smile no matter how you really wanted to slap the person you will emit the words..like...
okay okay no big deal...
dont feel bad...I either...
sorry I don’t even remember that...
hmm...thats what you gonna say embarrassed enough to get rid of the situation as soon as possible as if you are the one confessing your sin...asking forgiveness...you will simply give them a chance to be a better person to the next person they will meet...even if they failed to be one with you...to you...
So it is easy to forgive...and yet so hard if it is to forgive one own self...to forget and to move ahead...to be better person next time...why I could not forgive myself?
Even as an adult...coming to this age...getting wiser everyday has not change anything...my status is still like...hmm...brooding over mistakes...lies...oversight....
I still wish that I could go back and change things :
the ungainly lies my mouth emitted...
the insecurity I had felt...
all the innocent mistakes I made or were them not innocent?
I am trying hard to give me reasons for my perversion...but all I feel is the resentment...hatred and rage against myself. I should not have done that...I should not have accepted that....
I should have known that forgiving is very hard especially when it comes for one own self...every day every time whenever I ask myself for pardon I got the fit of furry...for myself.
I failed myself to be myself....I have disappointed myself...humiliated myself.
And no matter how I reason with myself...I just can’t forgive myself.
hmm...what a lovely...holly word this is...FORGIVEN.
It's true that it is easier to forgive others rather than our own selves.. take it easy :)
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