Beloved

There is a saying that we meet everyone with certain reason...unknown to us.

The reason we sometimes can’t figure out since the person we met...lost before we understand the reason behind our meeting than instead of figuring out the reason of meeting we started our reasoning on losing each other...sometimes we only understand the reason of someone coming into our life when we lose them and no matter how hardly try...can’t figure out why we lost them.

Sometimes it’s useless thinking about the reason of losing someone if that person is already gone and you are sure that there is no other way you may get the lost one back...which is only when the lost one is dead...so than you are free...free to ponder on the meeting..losing...reasons...a good past time...a good way to remember....but in case the lost one is still alive...breathing somewhere...it is advisable to keep a decent distance and keep your mouth shut...because as soon as that person come near again you will...as if you have no WILL...will start falling for that one once again....which is very embarrassing as if you are such a lousy failure that all this time you done nothing but tried to overcome the distance between lost one and yourself.

Is this what you think that I have been doing all these years when you deject yourself from me?

Partly it is YES...yes I have been thinking about you a lot...there were time when I forget you completely but soon after a bit of time the remembrance came back...bouncing...with the exact reaction force with which I have pushed that away...hit me...touched me...lowered me...humbled me.

Only now I don’t think about the reason of finding...loosing....finding...it became like a circle...always ends up at the beginning...

I want to weigh our relationship...in terms of worthiness...does our being together worth anything...does our loosing each other brought any happiness to both sides...does re-uniting will bring any change...confidence...happiness...does our relationship worth anything in our world?

For me...it does...I valued you... and will...keep valuing you....Don’t know about YOU.

The beloved you've lost 

but you’ve chained me down 

stolen away my heart 

leaving yourself behind 

now I have lost my way 

my soul restless 

and head twisted 

all because of those secrets 

you once whispered 

I only must keep

fasting my heart 

to set me free 

from sleepless nights 

since your only advice 

when you saw me in flame 

was to keep burning 

with you or with your thoughts 

words of wisdom 

came to me at last 

“the beloved you’ve lost 

the one you’ve been seeking outside 

can only be found inside” 

– Ghazal 2582, from the Diwan-e Shams 

Translation by Nader Khalili 

“Rumi, Fountain of Fire” 

Cal-Earth Press, 1995