hmm....most people may never know…because I can make a brave face when I need to.
But I think (as you don’t know me personally and I am on safe ground to tell you) that deep inside…I am so afraid....in fact...to be honest...I am a coward.
I’m not afraid of dark nights…or big storms (though I have not seen big storms in our dear Karachi).
I’m not afraid of being home alone or even of poverty.
I am not afraid to stand my ground when I need to..hmm.....
Sure…I have a couple irrational and silly fears — like being on a roof peak of a 20 story building and watching down or walking on a long thin rope tied between two tall poles or driving in a strange big city traffic and talking to strangers or swimming with sharks..
But I’m not talking about those...I’m talking about the fears inside that few understand...hmm....
The ones that often keep me back…that make me stumble and fumble and make me long for straight feet and a stronger heart.
I am not afraid of the journey....the hardships or the conflicts so much...hmm...but yes...
I am afraid of failure...
rejection...
disappointment and...
defeat.
It was subconsciously much easier not to try than to have to say that I couldn’t make it.
I am afraid of the unknowns....
of the things that I couldn’t plan for...
for my loved ones to die suddenly not saying goodbye.....
I am afraid of each new day...
I start my day with stumbling feet....my fearful heart....because the journey that God had chosen for my life sometimes feels a lot like the mystery/suspense novel. The journey provided without a map or a plan.
There were deserts that seemed to lead far away from the life I thought I was called to and there are journeys by the sea of loneliness.
There are altars on which to sacrifice my stubborn pride and my dreams...to let Him change the plan without any prior notice to me....
But now...with time…I have started getting the faith on HIM and I am not afraid as I used to be,
I think I’ll be battling my fears every step of this journey even now. With each new step of the journey....it is about choosing to let go of fear....and to trust that His way is perfect.
His delight is in taking our weaknesses and turning it into strength..hmm....
Only at the start of everyday I just have to remind myself that….HE is sufficient for me.
.....
But I think (as you don’t know me personally and I am on safe ground to tell you) that deep inside…I am so afraid....in fact...to be honest...I am a coward.
I’m not afraid of dark nights…or big storms (though I have not seen big storms in our dear Karachi).
I’m not afraid of being home alone or even of poverty.
I am not afraid to stand my ground when I need to..hmm.....
Sure…I have a couple irrational and silly fears — like being on a roof peak of a 20 story building and watching down or walking on a long thin rope tied between two tall poles or driving in a strange big city traffic and talking to strangers or swimming with sharks..
But I’m not talking about those...I’m talking about the fears inside that few understand...hmm....
The ones that often keep me back…that make me stumble and fumble and make me long for straight feet and a stronger heart.
I am not afraid of the journey....the hardships or the conflicts so much...hmm...but yes...
I am afraid of failure...
rejection...
disappointment and...
defeat.
It was subconsciously much easier not to try than to have to say that I couldn’t make it.
I am afraid of the unknowns....
of the things that I couldn’t plan for...
for my loved ones to die suddenly not saying goodbye.....
I am afraid of each new day...
I start my day with stumbling feet....my fearful heart....because the journey that God had chosen for my life sometimes feels a lot like the mystery/suspense novel. The journey provided without a map or a plan.
There were deserts that seemed to lead far away from the life I thought I was called to and there are journeys by the sea of loneliness.
There are altars on which to sacrifice my stubborn pride and my dreams...to let Him change the plan without any prior notice to me....
But now...with time…I have started getting the faith on HIM and I am not afraid as I used to be,
I think I’ll be battling my fears every step of this journey even now. With each new step of the journey....it is about choosing to let go of fear....and to trust that His way is perfect.
His delight is in taking our weaknesses and turning it into strength..hmm....
Only at the start of everyday I just have to remind myself that….HE is sufficient for me.
.....
Indeed HE is sufficient for everyone because HE has given the roadmap of the worldly journey.
ReplyDeleteIf that map is followed with sincerity, "straight foot" would only walk on the "straight path" (sirraat e mustaqeem).
If we have fear of HIM, no other fear remains!!!!!
thx for sharing
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful testimony to honesty and to trust in Allah who is greatly and consistently to be trusted no matte what.
ReplyDeleteDear, you have helped remind me of these truths tonight after quite a lot of time on sobering human rights situations.
I now go to sleep being reminded and know that I will awake refreshed for another day of trust.
Shukria!
Three things I fear the most and face the most as well.
ReplyDeleteDear Jack,
ReplyDeleteI present the Liebster Blog Award to your blog :)
Congratulations & Well deserved!
Here it is: http://oipagalpari.blogspot.ca/2012/07/surprise-surprise-first-blogger-award_28.html
Thinking,
ReplyDeleteFaith in God makes one come through difficult times with confidence.
Take care
fear can be so crippling---you have said some very important words and with such candor and honesty
ReplyDeleteVery insightful :)
ReplyDeleteBe not afraid..
ReplyDeleteDear Thinking,
ReplyDeleteI'm missing your post here on my less than usual visit to the RR blogs...however, I also know that silences and sometimes a little chaos or confusion often precedes our best work as artists and writers.
hmm...Dear All...thank you so much for dropping by and giving me your precious time...I really appreciate it...thanks once again.
ReplyDeletetrue words
ReplyDelete