Monday, November 5, 2012

Is yet to be....

When I was a child…hmm…I looked ahead to certain ages.

Ten was special though I hardly remember anything about my TEN only that once I was beaten by a group of girls who thought that I stole their lunch…hmm…I told them honestly that they cant take their lunch out of my stomach now but they tried well.

Double digits: Thirteen made me a teenager. Sixteen was sweet in a way that I knew a lot of things (grown up things) but always pretend that I don’t…and funny that people always used to believe me…seventeen even more delightful…I was first time allowed to a movie theater alone with my friends…and eighteen: downright grown-up…yuppeee.

So I had certain plans already in my mind for my certain age…and the plans worked well until twenty…hmm…all my plans stopped there.

WHY? Because TWENTY was supposed to be my wedding year…a day that did not come that year and so I admit: I hate twenty.

But it is the only age I have hated.

Since that time…I’ve found too much joy in finding myself a deeper and happier woman…at finding my MAKER closer and more real with every passing year.

How could I mourn the loss of my painful shyness…or the gaining of rich memories and dear friends?

It’s only our culture that says that we have to bemoan every year past.

I can’t since every passing year I become more sensible…wise and kind of old player who knows lot of tricks to get through the game without getting tired.

All those years which I left behind were good years…yes..hmm…but I can honestly say that I have no desire to be twenty again – or even thirty.

Based on the adventure so far…I know that when my forties finally will arrive…I will have great cause to welcome (even) them.

When it comes to age…my contentment level is a changing thing…and I can’t predict when it will change.

Just this week…I winced when I quoted my upcoming age to a friend. I guess it’s time for another reality check..but yet it do hurts too.

Finding a job…dealing with your enemies…keeping your Friends in tack and making a life is a real adventure…your joy for some relationship getting stronger…or anticipation on loved one’s leaving you…is the real aging.

That’s what getting older means.

Each Friend…or…Loved One who left you…Each day you passed without being hit by a truck…car…or even heart attack…each white hair addition on your head…each added birthday...and each added life lesson is another landmark that says, “You’re getting closer!”

Closer to what…hmm…?

Closer to Home… Home!

And yet...I don't want to predict whether it will be heaven or hell....but one thig is sure...I could finally call it  HOME....

The yet to be.


  1. You have beautifully presented reality of life.
    Each one of us goes through almost the same set of "sleeping scenarios” just ahead of late-awakening for final home, as it’s bound to be "TIME BARRED."
    ******The location of our final home depends upon our "life long endeavour" for hanging on to the righteous path (the Divinely drawn route map), if followed and practised appropriately, the end result is a PERMAMNANT PLACEMENT SOMEWHERE in Paradise otherwise Naar-e-Jahannum. (God Forbid).
    As life is struggle through the odds, we need to deal with it ONLY with Rationality regardless of Nationality, creed or culture.
    You are right; we have different 'thought-environment' at different age levels which obviously is beautiful most of the time.
    ****Especially looking back, we certainly had good times, yet in fact, each tomorrow is terrible if it would only bring misery to us.
    So our past carefree attitude is mostly to blame - perhaps!
    Our past non vigilance is responsible for our current worries, thus we need to understand and do some effort for a better tomorrow.
    Thinking! Thanks a lot for sharing your life experience.
    Please keep up the good work.

  2. I like the idea of aging, though it's different than I imagined it would be.