Saturday, March 3, 2012


Reality is that which refuses to go away when I stop believing in it.

There are people so vivid in life that they seem not to disappear even when they die...

And for all these days I found myself having to come about and force myself to encounter the fact that my mother died...hmm

I realized that I still...even NOW

Expected to meet her once more…when I went to her house…sometime when I ring on her cell (which is taken care by my elder sister who is still in Pakistan) and want to talk sensibly about all the foolishness I have done during her funeral…

I want to give her explanations about my doings and my not-doings on her funeral...hmmm.....

I want to share the list of guests…we had…the calls I received (for condolences) and also how I managed to let her go….on her funeral.

All…the minor details I had been through- in which case she would probably have laughed…scold or make angry faces to me….or may be just pat my back.

When a relative called asking me if I would be having a gathering on her CHALISWAN (40th day of death) the idea was outlandish and stunned as I was…

I answered without thinking...” I have to first discuss the plan with my Ammi”.

I could hear his astonishment....but I could only hang up it was beyond explaining....

Yes...I am missing her so much.


  1. very sad! ..
    My condolences ..God bless her soul.. R.I.P
    moms r always close ..
    we can never reverse or bring back our loved ones, cherish the memories spent with her ..

  2. That's an extremely sweet photo Thinking.:)
    And and extremely sad blog :(
    I can relate to that... very well.
    Patience takes a lot of patience to come.

  3. May God bless her soul. When did she pass away?

  4. مرنے والے کی جبیں روشن تھی اس ظلمات میں
    جس طرح ستارے چمکتے ہیں اندھیری رات میں
    مرنے والے مر تو جاتے ہیں لیکن فنا ہوتے نہیں
    وہ حقیقت میں کبھی پیاروں سے جدا ہوتے نہیں

  5. I know, it's not easy. There's no shortcut but wounds do eventually turn into scars... and scars are easier to deal with than wounds.
    I sound stupid, I know, I never really know what to say in times like this, because I know how much it hurts and there really are no words.

  6. I'm so sorry on your loss..May her soul rest in peace.