Life is so…hmmm…so empty…nowadays…or perhaps…painful…it seems that something has broken my back…It’s this continuous pain…spontaneous…it emerge from the back run towards the neck and suddenly it strike straight on heart….hmm…
It doesn’t even let me turn around to see…who exactly has triggered it…
I only bend down again….take my pen to write something…
Until one month ago I might have taken my pen in hand to write something humorous with the confident air of a…woman…a human…who had a strong back.
I was happy…confident…and was very very naughty…hmm…
But that time is past.
Such claim of being…happy…confident…naughty…humorous…as I had has been taken from me.
What left now within me is just my continuous writings…
How this sadness…this hollowness…this pain stumbled upon my writings secretly, I do not know.
Does...this has to do with loosing a loved one? Or am I over reacting?
It doesn’t even let me turn around to see…who exactly has triggered it…
I only bend down again….take my pen to write something…
Until one month ago I might have taken my pen in hand to write something humorous with the confident air of a…woman…a human…who had a strong back.
I was happy…confident…and was very very naughty…hmm…
But that time is past.
Such claim of being…happy…confident…naughty…humorous…as I had has been taken from me.
In fact I am standing…somewhat…like unmasked…or perhaps…unveiled.
Perhaps....this is my true face...ugly...tearful...sad...?
Now I know….how it is to live alone…to be alone out there…in this world…where you may not find friendliness in every human you meet…
And where you are trying hard not to talk about what you have suffered but whenever you open your mouth something on the subject came out….and you feel weakness…tears….and lots of pain.
What left now within me is just my continuous writings…
I am writing a lot nowadays but does this writing makes any sense….or even does anyone care?
What is there...after all in this writing now but a rather ingenious mixture of hyperbole and myosis?
How this sadness…this hollowness…this pain stumbled upon my writings secretly, I do not know.
Does...this has to do with loosing a loved one? Or am I over reacting?
hmmm.....
We're never more wrong than when we end up thinking the sad version is the TRUE version and the HAPPY one a mask ...
ReplyDeleteYour happy and naughty version will be back soon :)
It has been sooo long. I have missed you!
ReplyDeleteBut where did that inspiring and motivational Thinking go?
I don't blame you though, I can't imagine what you must be facing..
I sincerely hope you get back to your old self very soon!
Allah Hafiz ♥
Don't worry. Things will be fine and you'll be able to recover your old self, soon. Take care and cheer up!
ReplyDeleteBaby girl, everything's gonna be fine. :) InshaAllah. And you'll be in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteThis is what life is all about, joys, humor, sorrows,sadness they altogether make the life more beautiful. Sometimes ahsas e Ziaan bhi bahut zaruri hota hai as it gives us more reasons to love and care the people and blessings we still have.
ReplyDeletelife is all about to learn how to live with pain, as they say pain is inevitable but suffering is optional....
ReplyDeletekeep discovering yourself, thats the only way to find peace!!!!
Missing you -- write to me again, will you? I only get emails at the newlease7 address.
ReplyDeleteI have a few hilarious stories and a wonderful funny book bound to cheer you up -- to send & would love to ask you a few things.
Your always friend...
When me lose a dear one, a person or a relationship, a seed of that loss is inflicted deep into our consciousness, but immediately we don’t feel the pain but after a while when the seed splits into two and a leaf surfaces this is the time when pain grows and we feel the real measure of it. No other person will ever know what we are going through because this is a unique situation and each individual goes through its own pain differently. This pain grows as the leaf turns into a plant and the plant starts to surface inch by inch taller and with that the pain also enhances and turns into acute sadness, grief and pathos but when this plant shapes into a tree and becomes a shade and is ready to bear fruits the whole meaning of pain, sorrow and melancholy transforms. Now the memory of the days of remembrance brings a subtle pleasure and the imagination of those beautiful moments with that person strike us as the tree of memory takes full bloom and we start to cherish the unforgettable moments, the minute details, the gestures, the little and insignificant things of the dear one with great relish. At this juncture we start loving others around us all those who have anything to do with these memories and we share with them the magic moments that seems to stay with us forever.
ReplyDeleteWrite to me? I am sorry for the loss!
ReplyDeletemozuy-e-sukhan@hotmail.com
hmm...Dear All...
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words...
I am so honored.
Take Care.