Experiment !

In 1946,Quaid-e-Azam declared:

“We do not demand Pakistan simply to have a piece of land but we want a Laboratory where we could experiment on Islamic principles.”

And I was just thinking that how many more years we will take to keep our experiment going on ?

Is this beloved Pakistan a mere experiment?

Or have we really sustain the same experiment from which we started our journey?

It seems now that even this beloved nation is on the experiments...hmm....we are still under the charge of not knowing what actually we need to do...who to vote...who to watch on television...who to promote...who to believe.

We are still not ONE...not choosen one...we are not the believer we are just the experiment...hmm....

hmm...what ever we are...I just can't stop loving you my beloved country. And that's the problem that even though you are an experiment you are very dear to so many people that may be some day their love will take you to a sustainable position and will astonish the whole world.

So cheers to you, beloved Pakistan !

May Allah protect you...keep you alive...keep you healthy...happy and give you strength today and always. Ameen.

Happy Birthday....hmm...

Wedding Anniversary

Some questions are very simple yet so strange that when ever you think about it…you feel like loosing yourself…hmm...

On the cool evening of 11 August 2007…all the witnesses...relatives and moulana sahib ushered by my elder sister into my secluded room…and when I being asked for the acceptance of the marriage proposal…I shivered like a dry leaf…hmm...

I thought is there any chance of getting rid of it now…while all my relatives are here…my family has invested a good fortune on the ceremony…my husband to be is sitting outside already accepted and signed the marriage papers…no…than why so much hurdle…pretending…?

I felt a little burden on my shoulder of some kind hand…some one was patting my back and some one far away was making jokes…on my being quite and not at all responding to the moulana sahib’s questions…

I shivered…my hands were like made of stone…I can’t even hold the pen some one put into my hands to sign the papers…(nikkah nama)…and...hmm...

I felt some thing stuck into my right eye...I tried to rub that off and found out that it was a tear I was holding too long in my eye that it dried and became hard…there was a little restlessness in the room because of my being so mute...

I remembered that once I dreamed a dream…wrapped it up into the corner of my heart and thought it is safe there…secured by the feeling that nobody but me knew that it had been dreamed…that dream…which nestled in my heart stayed warm and hopeful.

Sometimes it grew a little brighter...sometimes it felt impossibly small and unlikely.

But it was precious to me and I trusted it above all the other dreams I ever dreamed.

And then came a day I let it go…though I was sure I couldn’t do it…but I survived somehow…letting go is painful yet it take you one step closer to your Maker…and so does I took a step closer to HIM.

Not only did my heart break...but my world stopped...my dreams died and I was left devastated it felt like failure to me!

I heard some where my Maker whispered to me…Wait and See…

That day..letting go of my dream – hurts…the not knowing and the wondering what happens now...felt like a cold wind blowing down on my heart…but in quite and unexpected ways...my Maker took the pieces of my heart and the pieces of the dream I had given away and built something NEW.

Although at first…the nikkah nama…the signature…the ceremony does not make any sense to me…I did it because I don’t have anything else in my life…I was at the dire state of doing anything to bring the change in my life…I was so tired and lonely of my being alone…and so I did sign the papers.

Every one starts congratulating my family…my mother cried…I heard my sisters consoling her…so many people so many voices and I didn’t even try to listen… I was praying…may be I was asking my Maker…what HE has in HIS mind now…I want to know…now what?

And again I heard HIM whispering….DREAM ON…

I’ve dreamed a lot of dreams in the days since...hmm....but I have now learned how to let some of them go.

I’m still learning not to wrap them up in the depths of my heart...but instead to hold them up in my hands to God.

I’m learning to trust Him with all of my dreams.

Life is made for dreaming big dreams. Some of them are meant for holding on to...and some are meant for letting go.

Some dreams are meant for a season...and some are meant to last a lifetime.

So keep dreaming big dreams…but let HIM be the sculptor...the re-disingner of your hopes and your dreams and one day you will realize it is everything it should have been and exactly what you have wanted if you could have known.

Big-M

So there is a new entry in HR life now…hmm...lets say his name is Big-M.

He is suffering from schizophrenia...at first no body exactly knows when Big-M actually get affected honestly no body knows what Schizophrenia is…he was like other teenager boys…

Shy…looking ways to get rid of the family gathering…no heed for the festivals…care free…and always preferred going with friends than with family…hhmm...
....which was not that obstinate but the family was mistaken they let him loose and once he was completely engulfed by the disease and the symptoms were so prominent and clear that could not concealed anymore by family they took him to a psychologists who after few clinical diagnoses declared his fate. 

It is sad though…seeing a very active…young…and smart person…turn into a very big…round and sluggish being…just imagine how happy and contented you feel seeing a child growing into a healthy…smart…active young man….but here the process was reverse and thus the feeling was miserable.

Anyways…he took the proper medication and now 50% to 65% back to normal.

But still he is schizophrenic and still he needs someone close to always have a check on him…he needs someone to tell him all the time what to do…from personal hygiene to medication…he needs always someone to order him.

hmm...here comes HR part...chee...

HR took the liberty and become the ring master…and while she was very afraid what’s going to happen or may be she is not good for this responsibility Allah took charge and now its been almost two months both HR and Big-M are living under one roof and nobody has been abused…injured or even killed yet…good for Big-M.

It is sometimes quite funny actually…because HR normal forgets the order of the Orders and once Big-M is out of bath she orders him to clean the bath room after remembering that she actually forgot the order of the orders she again has to order for another bath….which serves as Big-M’s exercise…and it save him from evening walk…see this is called two bird with one stone..yah…?

Plus…you don’t know how it satisfy your vanity when someone so big is at your disposal all the time….no cross questioning…no NO…no unreasonable reasoning…all you hear is YES (although I am trying so hard that Big-M should include Maa’m with his YES …so all I will be hearing is….YES MAA’M….yes…I am determined…)

hmm....life is very unexpected and full of surprises normally we take it to our heart if things do not turn the way we want them and so HR did…

...but after few days with Big-M…HR thinks that how different they both are…one has no knowledge of this world…who has not a single chance to spend a day alone in this world…who might never use his own decision…and still he say YES with determination…with full confidence that whatever has been ordered to him is for his own good…while HR who knows the way of world very well…who uses her brain…has means to use her brain…and she knows that whatever happens after all it will all become alright at the end she always look for the ways to retreat.

So there is a new person in HR life now and there she learns so many new lessons...one by one I will tell you....no worries...hmm...