Surrender or face my glory / fury...

I am living in my mother’s apartment now…there is a very big mosque besides this apartment building…hmmm....when she was alive and I used to visit her…she once or twice mentioned how ridiculous or sometimes funny yet extreme sermons our neighbour’s mosque delivers.

I am sorry I don’t want to be offensive here…I never pay attention to my mother’s remarks that time since I hardly had confidence on her hearing…but now as I am living here and can hear the sermons very well…I don’t know what to call them….extreme…ridiculous….humorous…

Sometime I really want to shut all the doors and windows as not to hear them but since its besides our apartment I can’t block the voice.

Let me give you some of the sermons lines or prayers (dua) lines after the namaz…hmm...

1: Ya Allah…let the women who wears patloon (Jeans…Pants) go to hell…they are the stray one from our religion….(and the answer from the crowd…) Ameen.

2: Ya Allah…let the women who wears mascara…blush on…lipstick…eye liner (and I am not kidding these are the exact wordings…he knows what we…women do for make up…this is called rich in general information…yah ?) be killed and burn forever in hell these are the one who makes other good muslim women stray from the true path….(and the loud and clear answer from the crowd…) Ameen.

3: And if you think that your woman is not in your control…beat her…punish her until she submit herself fully to your wishes and command….

I hope this is enough to give you the idea… And why….

The Friday Sermons has so much to do with women?

Don’t these men has anything else to talk about…look around us…we are surrounded with miseries…poverty…joblessness…and these moulanas got only women to send to hell?

It seems so different…changed now…had I not heard him I think I would’ve not believed it….hmm...

Why there is no check or quality control authority to hear or read their sermons and could correct these moulanas…?

There are so many schools now offering special courses on Quran and Tafseer…there are others offering 5 years diploma in Quran and Ahadees…the media is full of information on Islam and how to follow the rules…even with all these open information our moulanas are going towards such extremism…is very distressing.

hmm...To Allah be all glory.

What I want

The year previous to last year for me Ramzan was scabrous (you may get it by reading ):   What I have done

I grumbled a lot…criticizing my busy schedule…and was not very happy with the people around me who I thought had jointly made a plan against me so that I can’t submit myself to my lord the way a Muslim should do in this holy month....hmmm....

But this year…its very different…all my relations are reduce to shreds…some pass away…some gone abroad…and few who were left…I got rid of them…by showing utter “couldn’t care less” attitude(though it was very very hard for me to be like one…nonetheless…I did it ! )…by the arrival of Ramzan I finally conquered to release myself from everyone…and everything…

So now what???

I should be happy??

That’s what I asked for…Isn’t it?

I should return to my Lord....hmm....My Maker (To HIM be all glory) with zeal…sincerely…eagerly the way I wanted it…and should not raise my head from the prayer mat…or should have recited the Quran Shareef after every hour since I have nothing to do.

Now no one is waiting for me to talk to her….or to listen to her…no one is here to ask me to take them to market for Eid shopping…no one is there to ask me to meet up at iftaar…no one is asking me to come to their place for Sehri…no one…sometimes I in the habit of being surrounded with my loved ones stopped reciting and listen carefully if someone from distance has announced my name…someone in need of my company…someone who has finally decided to ask me out for iftaari…but…there is no one….as I have finally achieved my freedom to be alone...that is what I wanted…endured for…worked for…and got it. 

But now since I have achieved what I wanted why than there is a pang of remorse in my heart…may be that’s not what I wanted…it seems like I wanted it…but I didn’t mean it…may be I liked to whine…may be that’s exactly what I am doing right now…may be this is how I blamed others for me…being reckless with religious obligations…I used to save myself and accused others…they were not between me and my Lord…but they were the reason to enhance…to elevate…to increase my thirst to be with my Lord…??? The more I got busy the more I longed for HIM….Is it???

May be this is how our Lord has made this world…life…we should endure every relationship skilfully and should return to Lord whenever find time…I mean…the best thing about Lord is…you don’t have to explain or give reasons for not being with HIM…He is the only ONE who understands !

I hope HE understand what I want now...hmm....