Best Friend - Part B !

He looked into my eyes….

was trying to find a place…a clean…clear place which can serve him as a window…a window through which he can escape…

Escape from reality to dreamland…we all sometimes…in our life do that…

He was desperate to find that place in my eyes…but....as soon as I saw him within THEM....I turned to walk away....

I avoid him…his attempt for the eye contact…I escaped too from the whole scenario....without even a blink of recognition in my eyes to offer his empty eyes.... hmm...and that was the time when I concluded...

I have lost my Best Friend!

He had become very generous to the poor people after finishing his school with me…

...though I lost the contact with him but we always not forget to exchange smile whenever we met on the road side…

...most of the time I saw him standing up there posing on the side of the road with something to impress people…a new football under his arm...his new clothes…sometimes new shades and sometimes a hat.

Every evening you can find him there, on the same spot, liking himself, leaning back against the railing on his elbows and one bent leg, with his sunglasses to shadow the secrets of his face.

Half past five, by the clock, you could find him against the play ground's iron bars. "He poses a lot with his brand new football, cant wait to impress his fellows in the play...

..to hear them praising his new football...his shades...his clothes...." I said to myself while I was passing him by....the other day.

"Blood money !", my heart emitted…is it really true that he is part of that drug group the whole street is afraid of???

…they were spoiling the youth of our street and had deep connections with upper level of authority…and he was part of them.

hmm…he always like to escape from reality…and his generosity towards poor was in the same context…

Finally the police came to shake him down...and…I....with so many other people....passer by....standing a good distance away and watched without a sound....

I saw him within the policemen two on his back pushing him to the police mobile truck....while once he was pushed to fell down to the ground....and I cant....

Resist...looking into his face...cause I saw his eyes were searching something onto my face....that can make a bridge between us....

...may be he wanted me to say something to the police....to rescue him from their iron grasp...

But....as soon as I saw him within them....I turned to walk away....I avoid him...the whole scenario....without even a blink of recognition in my eyes to offer his empty eyes....

I have already made up my mind to escape from his friendship.

Wedding Ring !

"Please take off all your jewellery. "

Nurse instructed my mum before exposing her to the X-ray machine.

My mum took off....three rings from her hands including her wedding ring. I witnessed an uncomfortable expression on my mum's face while she took off her rings.

I have already talked so much about how my mum cherished her wedding ring and now it has become one of my all time favourite topics.

My mum was married to my father for 38 years before he passed away.

All that time she never took off her wedding ring. I mean it is part of her daily routine to take it off during cooking or laundry or other manual work but than she never forget to wore it again.

Whether it was superstition or just her way of reminding herself of staying loyal to my father...who spent most of his after marriage life abroad....it had a deep impact on me.

But at the same time...I felt that it means nothing...wearing the wedding ring whole day long...all your life....just to prove loyalty towards your partner used to seems so childish....hmmm....

They are just the symbol of wows we had taken before public...

On my wedding....to the beloved husband....un-intentionaly....the wows were still made....

The love was and still is undying...and....when he placed a gold band on my finger...I too vowed never to remove it...hmmm...

It was a symbol of our commitment and loyalty to each other....hmm...

However...I have developed an irritable skin condition which has got underneath my gold ring caused my skin to crack open....become itchy and really quite painful.

And thus....I had to remove my wedding ring.

For the first time in almost two and half years I have no ring on my wedding finger...hmm...

I knew...I might have to take it off....cause applying cream on the allergy was making the skin more irritate and allergic to the ring.

Regrettably....I took it off....

Telling myself constantly that it's only a gold band and even though is a symbol of my marriage...does not mean that my marriage is over.

And once the skin condition cleared up I will place it back on my finger...besides it is just the vows we had taken in front of public...nothing more....right?

I know many women....who don't wear their wedding ring or think about it as our family have...

...so...hmm....what I want YOU ALL to tell me is....that it really doesn't matter...

And that it's just a piece of jewellery....right???? hmmm...

The Republic of Rumi !

I must congrats myself and so many other participants of the RR workshop for going through a journey of a garden to find our true "self".

Saturday, 10-April-2010...I must tell you that Shafique Sahib touched the highest point of teaching and WE - the learning.

The workshop gave me so much insight and gave me so many things to think about time to time...

Every Saturday, since few weeks, we gathered at TDC to collectively learn the Republic of Rumi in the presence of Khurrum Shafique.

Actualy, Shafique Sahib took the credit to explain the whole book to us and he did it well.

So the last Saturday, we finally finished the book and after the workshop we conveyed our understanding about the whole book...
I was on the very low of understanding when I talked about my reaction or understanding after reading the book "Republic of Rumi".

And I think...I missed one big point that is ... INTERPRETATION....
which was empathised by the poet in the whole book.

Interpretation : An explanation or conceptualization by a critic of a work of literature, painting, music, or other art form; an exegesis.

This is the basic point on which we should concentrate....we have so many signs and hints around us...

We have Allah's books and we had Prophets (who explained/interpret the Allah's teaching to us as exactly as they are) - than the interpretation fall onto ordinary human shoulders. I am now in understanding that the human has interpreted the whole teaching very wrongly or they had interpreted it the way they want it to be -

I read once that History is like an ocean in which every fisher caught fishes with his own net....every net is different in its breath and depth....And every fisher tries to caught a fish where no other fisher has gone...these fishers are like history writers....who have their own understanding or perception of every happening in the history and when the fisher set his shop on the side of the road....the customers who are the reader...picked up the piece of fish which they think will amuse them....

In this way...reader...basically is the most ignorant of the actual ocean.... hmmm....

Frankly...when I first approached Shafique Sahib's workshop I kind a didn't liked what he said about certain names of literature. He categorise the literature into good and bad.

And he mean by good literature which gives the true meaning or the correct interpretation of society/human and religion.

Few weeks.....I didn't understand at all what he basically is telling me -

After so many days when I took RR workshop regularly....I started to notice the difference between good and bad literature myself.

And thus today I we concluded that Interpretation is what is most important....

But are we interpreting the history clearly???

Allah granted the Joseph to interpret everything the way they are HE also granted him wisdom and words and courage to speak up. As we read that he sent back the people to first clear his position in front of his first master...than he courageously asked the king to grant him all the kingdom....which means that he was confident enough to take care of the kingdom on the basis of his interpretations....wisdom.

And thus Joseph managed to come in contact with the common masses.

But nowadays to get in touch with common masses can be bit different. There were times when people used to inspire by poetry...art and literature...Sufi had his own way to communicate the interpretations and Poets had his own ways....

Now we can't rely on Poets or Sufis....as they are merely the actual poets and Sufi...

Nowadays...common masses are inspired by media...which can be TV or Internet....

May we think that someday...we will find a courageous person who will take all the masses attention by his/her website....we will visit that website everyday and will nod our heads in yes to be completely agreed with his sayings...

He, the "webmaster" would nurture our souls and will interpret the actual religion or faith to us?

Or...some newscaster will do the same...?

Anyways...the book sure give me so many questions and I am still in position of raising more...

I am so glad and happy to attend the workshops and I must say thanks to Shafique Sahib to give us the opportunity to open our brain to the reality.

Happiness !

Albert Schweitzer : Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

Algernon Black : Why not let people differ about their answers to the great mysteries of the Universe?
Let each seek one's own way to the highest, to one's own sense of supreme loyalty in life, one's ideal of life.
Let each philosophy, each world-view bring forth its truth and beauty to a larger perspective, that people may grow in vision, stature and dedication.
There is no need to force our own theological points of view upon one another or to insist that the moral life grows out of final, absolute authority.

I still remember my mother buying me Children books....or little stationary stuff...I never care about chocolate..Ice Cream or Sweets in my childhood..these were the things brought joy or happiness in my life. How simple...innocent...hmm...we had been in our childhood?

How we know....that we are happy ? Can we calculate happiness ? Is there a universal rule or formula for cultivating or growing happiness ? And if there is....what are the ingredients ?

Little gifts used to make me happy while I was a child. Than my growing age make it hard to attain happiness in whatever I do. I never find any burden or find it a curse to do anything in my childhood...now...when I don't want to do anything...I start considering my self unhappy.

What is the criteria...on which I start putting my self on happy or unhappy states?

I couldn't find the answer...

Happiness is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.

hmm....this is not enough to be happy I said to myself after finding the happiness definition in Wikipedia.

It is my wanting or longing to always be ahead of everyone around me...being the most praised one...being the most loved one...being the most accomplished one..will give me the real happiness.

And that's true....sometimes our being selfish and wanting to hurt someone gives us happiness....

Sometimes...gossiping and doing something bad behind someone gives us happiness....

Sometimes...being the most naughtiest or being the daring warrior gives us the happiness.....

I know that all the above states of mind or actions may give me happiness but how long they will keep me happy? May be for a day or two...number of hours or minutes....

We learn from the Noble Qur'an that happiness is an exclusive quality of the soul. Thus, a body that attains all the material successes it longs for - money, power, fame, etc. - often belongs to an unhappy person. Happiness depends totally on the degree of growth and development attained by the soul, the real person.

Or may be finding the way my MAKER resolves our issues...HIS authority over our lives...HIS way of doing us favours...is a real happiness.

When we find ourselves completely connected with our Lord....we can say that we are happy.

When I felt that I am far away from the worldly relationships and detest humans while I come more close or near to my MAKER....I was happy because I was contented. But my joy depends on humanly relationships....knowing that I again came back to humans. I found pleasure in friendship while joy with children. I regard love highly in my life and work to find it.

hmm.....even than...all the above dialogues....my confidence on myself being happy trembled down by simple idea of Charlotte Bronte in her Villette :

Happiness is not a potato, to be planted in mould, and tilled with manure. Happiness is a glory shining far down upon us out of Heaven. She is a Divine dew which the soul, on certain of its summer mornings, feels the dropping upon it from the amaranth bloom and garden fruitage of Paradise.

Hope !

hmmm....few days ago...

I was waiting outside the TDC (Teachers Development Centre) for my beloved husband and Urooj and Komal were kind enough to give me company...

While we...were deeply infused to our girly talk...

I noticed the strange tree at the corner of TDC's building.

Why I noticed it strange because there was just branches stretching out from its big..broad stem....while no sign of leaves anywhere on any branch.

It looked old...I said to my self and may be due to its old age shed off all its leaves and now only the old...lonely body (with stem and branches) are left behind....hmmm....

The tree surely seems to lost its youth and bloom.

I kind a sigh on the tree's lonely figure standing alone and looked so plain and sad under the shadow of old building.

hmmm....and than suddenly....the lonely old tree grown on me....

I felt it so deeply....I don't why...I looked for answers...why just a TREE is making me perplexed....uneasy and lonely...?

The tree was without leaves means that the ground is unable to give it the complete nourishment...the ground...the earth has stopped giving the tree the actual share it needed to grow up its leaves...its greenery is dependent on the earth nourishment and what tree can be looked like when it couldn't get the required nourishment....

So....may be the EARTH has some issues with the TREE....the tree's long life must have made a strong bond between them....what was that which behold the earth not to give tree's share to it than....???

hmm....I start seeing the case as metaphor toward my beloved Pakistan.

Our Pakistan has all the ground....strong roots...broad...strong stem and branches all over it....

Even than...it is void of greenery..the leaves...which shows that the tree is healthy and would one day give fruits too....it will bloom in the spring and will give chances to new generations to get flourish and to get birth...as healthy as itself.

But it is standing still...lonely....without greenery...under the shadow of so many old generations....

Seems like EARTH has taken out its hands from the tree's nourishment....

Again question arises.....WHY? Was it TREE or the EARTH's unfair distribution of nourishment???

But than...just today....again when I was standing under the same tree....I asked it.....

Hi...TREE....what's wrong with you....? Why you don't have any leaves? Why you seems so sad and lonely and without greenery ?

And tree....laughed.....yeah literally....I heard it laughed....

It says....To Allah be all Glory....

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Even though I have been under the unfair adjustments of earth and its nourishment...

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Allah has granted me FLOWERS....which means that one day I can bear fruits too...

and I can be multiplied and give birth to new generations....

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hmmm...and than I looked closely....yes....the old...void of leaves stems were bearing ....white beautiful flower buds.....

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Though the tree looked more odd now...like without any leaves and old...sticky stems having white...blooming flower buds....

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And it gives me HOPE....hmmm....

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Allah is there to help our beloved country too....

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Even we are under the shadow of so many strong eras and history...victim of earth's unfair distribution of nourishment....but Allah is there to even than gives us the flowers....blooming and life.

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To Allah be all glory !