Run Over

We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over, so in a kindness there is at last one which makes the heart runover. 

~Ray Bradbury ~ Fahrenheit 451 ~ 

Or is it the other way around?

There is your vessel of love..tolerance…patience and forgiveness…drop by drop its filling itself and there is always one drop…hmm....

....at last the last one…the drop which will spill it …the one and only…and its over flooded..run over…

It doesn’t matter what kind of that drop was…the best time pass afterwards is to remember every drop which filled your vessel slowly…silently…except you can’t remember the last drop…the one which actually did it…

Every drop has its own story…you remember them but the moral of all those stories fill you with more hatred…more resentment…more anger and you feel like an IDIOT !

What an Idiot I was…hmm....it was obvious…very clear…transparent…everyone knows it going to happen…everyone was signalling me…everyone…except me…saw the truth…why I am so dumb?

What was I thinking…?

They say...after every storm there is calmness…no…nope…never….

After the storm there is always wreckage to take care of…there is so much destruction…the looses…the damage…the brokenness….and you are the only one…who have to face all that…

I mean even if you have people to take care of you…you actually can’t share the feeling…you have to keep it to yourself and keep it hiding too….because the sharing might start the blaming…it might trigger another storm…

What is the remedy?

There is none…once its done…its done…no turning back…every step will enhance the distance between the two…yes…that last drop is deadly enough to kill all the hopes…faith…believe and love…

Explanation Call

Everyone who is an employer or an employee knows what ~Explanation Call~ is…hmm...

Well...it is not literally a call…its a chit chat…one to one…closed door meeting…it is when in the position as an employee you made a mistake...blunder or when you make a decision which your employer was not expecting from a lousy employee like you…the Management ask you to come over a cup of tea…

hmm...though you will not be offered a cup of tea but instead(sigh)…after a brief salutations your higher will start making you feel like you do not deserve the position you held and it was with your sheer luck that you got the job….

Normally its not the person who took your interview because than s/he can not tell you that you were a mistake by the hiring department….the person will ask you for the reason…intention…the time you made such a horrible blunder but seldom give you time or space to talk…you will gasp for the space…and s/he is better trained to choke you…its like a fight…a dual…all the time…you are the one who will loose…unless you are at the other side of the desk…so if you are…this post is not for you…sorry for wasting your time.

In my 10 years of working experience…these Explanation Call are kind of treat for me…sometimes I deliberately do it to spent sometime with the HR and thus to take sometime out of the routine work…blink…

Once I remember I came out of the meeting room and a newly hired colleague asked me how it feels to be in there all alone with no one to back up…I gave her a big smile and with indifference…grace told her it was not a big thing for me…since all these HR has only one thing to do… to find the mistake and to pin point someone while I am so experienced now I literally do not take them seriously and this is the only way an employee can survive…shortly after giving her a lecture I learned that the HR personal who was with me before in the meeting room was actually with me that instant too...hmm...me and my lousy indifference...

But these office Explanation Calls are easy to handle…you explain…write…make note and either your explanation was accepted or rejected you feel contented that at least you were asked for it and the decision was not made on one side story. 

What I find difficult is the actual life explanation calls…which your parents…in-laws...peers…friends or even stranger time to time throws at you…you have to hit those with care to bounce them back…not to hurt your counter…and measured enough to satisfy the person.

There are different kind of people in your life…one of them are those who accept you the way you are…once they understand you they get along with you the way you want them to get along…hhmm...and there are people who try to make you feel guilty all the time…its not that they will ask or send you email to explain yourself ...but it is in their gestures…or the way they carry themselves with you…soon after a phone call…or a visit…they will start showing the signs…they signalled you with their little conversation here and there with other people who knows both of you…they will make metaphoric remarks between your talk and ignore you…

You don’t know how to explicate what is the wrong you did to them and how to clear things without hurting them more or even hurting your ego.

This becomes worst when these people are the one you care most in your circle of acquaintances. This is strange that these are the most intelligent people you know and do not expect them to behave like that…

I mean they whine always for freedom…free will on the other hand when it comes to their hand they usually force their own likes…dislikes on you.

I don’t like to explain myself...I never do...do all I can to avoid it…hmm....but if I do…it brings the resentment in me against the person forced me to do…I usually don’t want the people I care about to put me in the condition to explain myself because I know it will not help us...will not bring us close...but will grow the distance between us…one step…two step...viola…we are two distant colonies. 

But...hmm...what  can do…some people are like this !