What's next ?

Life might not be easy...hmmm....

It might not be as exciting as we wish.

It might feel like its one big thing after the other and the big things feel so important that they are all we think we can see.

hmm…if you are in a helicopter and flying in the air and is passing by a forest it is hard to see a particular tree from the top.

All the trees look same....in fact making only one impression…that…there is a forest.

But forest aren’t made of single tree or even only big trees…life isn’t made of only sadness…unhappiness….disappointments…honestly...there are other things in life which make it a life…like…decisions…challenges…changes…hopes…dreams…opportunities.

And a lot of nitty gritty of day to day life...hmm....

All this nitty gritty of day to day life is also very important....they are often things that apparently shape the course of life.

There are things we’ll look back on and remember....perhaps always.

As I read…big things are like milestones....but behind every big thing is a myriad of little things that matter.

Little things are scattered in every day in form of those little victories of the heart that are fought and won.

It’s the quite moments when we stop to ‘be still and know HIM…acknowledge HIM…pray HIM…cry only in front of HIM…bow at HIM…’ the Creator, the Maker, the One who makes no mistakes.

And in return it’s the PEACE that HE gives you when everything around you looks like it’s falling apart and you stop to feel the wind on your face again and finding the courage to get up again when you’ve been knocked flat by circumstances again and again…how many times…?

hmm....

Ten times…hundredth times…thousandth times…no matter…how many times…what matter is…PEACE… HOPE…COURAGE…and…LIFE….after every fall you felt within you.

Thus this nitty gritty of everyday life calm you…soothe you…and take you to your next big thing…

hmm…what’s next ?

Reality

Reality is that which refuses to go away when I stop believing in it.

There are people so vivid in life that they seem not to disappear even when they die...

And for all these days I found myself having to come about and force myself to encounter the fact that my mother died...hmm

I realized that I still...even NOW

Expected to meet her once more…when I went to her house…sometime when I ring on her cell (which is taken care by my elder sister who is still in Pakistan) and want to talk sensibly about all the foolishness I have done during her funeral…

I want to give her explanations about my doings and my not-doings on her funeral...hmmm.....

I want to share the list of guests…we had…the calls I received (for condolences) and also how I managed to let her go….on her funeral.

All…the minor details I had been through- in which case she would probably have laughed…scold or make angry faces to me….or may be just pat my back.

When a relative called asking me if I would be having a gathering on her CHALISWAN (40th day of death) the idea was outlandish and stunned as I was…

I answered without thinking...” I have to first discuss the plan with my Ammi”.

I could hear his astonishment....but I could only hang up it was beyond explaining....

Yes...I am missing her so much.

Happily Ever After

This is the spot…I said to myself…behold my heart…this is the spot…

This is the spot…where…I lost my happiness….drained tears and forgot my smile.

I enter the valley silently and walk slowly so the tramping of my feet does not disturb the sleepers.

The silence that guards the valley does not reveal the secret how its residents are feeling inside their small houses.

Even the rustling of the small tree branches by the side of my mother’s place does not discloses the mysteries.

I stop humbly at my mothers’ grave and greet the earth that encloses her.

I prayed…burst into tears…but I could not…even once…can touch her…hold her…embrace her…or even see her.

I want to ask for her forgiveness and want her to know that I am really really missing her so much.

And I am so so SAD….hmmm….

I lost my dear mother on Friday, 10 February 2012 at 12:45 pm.

.....

Dickens and Poor Law

Today is the 200th anniversary of the birth of the British novelist Charles Dickens, author of classics such as Oliver Twist and Great Expectations.

Charles Dickens published the first installment of Oliver Twist in the February 1, 1837.

The New Poor Law of 1834 had systematized the care of poor people, forcing parishes to send their wards to regional, live-in workhouses, where they became systematically mistreated.

Up Right: George Cruikshak's illustration for the first installment, showing the newly-arrived workhouse inmate Oliver asking for more; RIGHT.

Dickens had the law-makers up on trial for another count.

Below, the excerpt from the end of the novel in which beadle Bumble - soon to be an inmate of the same poorhouse he tyrannized at the beginning of the story - famously complains of being legally responsible for his wife:

"That is no excuse," replied Mr. Brownlow. "You were present on the occasion of the destruction of these trinkets, and indeed are more guilty of the two, in the eye of the law; for the law supposes that your wife acts under your direction."

"If the law supposes that, " said Mr. Bumble, squeezing his hat emphatically in both hands, "the law is a ass - a idiot. If that's the eye of the law, the law is a bachelor; and the worst I wish the law is, that his eye may be opened by experience - by experience."

Snails

So many things to write - hmm - - but do you really want to read?

Tell me about it….does my writing here means anything to you?

And for today... BEWARE the shopping 'Snails!'.... they are growing by the day and the minute you hit the shopping plaza…you would most likely have one crawling near you.

I am one of those who would prefer to get through the queues as quickly as possible...

take the needful and quickly as possible…

go to the cash counter as quickly as possible…

put my grocery on the cash counter as quickly as possible(never wait for the cash counter helper to empty my basket as I do it more freely and quickly)…

and leave the shopping plaza as quickly as possible…

back home as quickly as possible….

find it quiet and calm…

sit down….

take a deep breath...

and go 'hmmm....'

But these shopping snails - who are they?

They are those who slow us down and snail-crawls through all queues oblivious of the intensity behind them.... they prevent most of us from shopping as quickly as possible and getting to our home / cup of tea at the home in the fastest possible time.

The Cantonese would call these people 'the ones that are preventing the earth from turning around' efficiently...

They are those who are not aware and have no desire to move through in an cash counter queue...

Below my top 3 shopping snails:

a) those who are in an queue and do not bother to check their valet (where is the money or the credit card) or purse (in case of women) until they get to the counter - that's a 3 min delay

b) those who DO NOT get their grocery in one basket or trolley and have so many children around them who have other things in their hands and once at the cash counter there start a fight between mother/father and children about what to buy or what not to buy - that's a further 5 min

c) those who DO NOT have a shopping list and while at the cash counter always ask the cashier to hold on until they can fetch the remaining items or expect the cashier helper to bring those to them - that's at least another 10 mins!

I recommend...hmm...(if the shopping plaza owner care)

1) a special fast-track lanes for astute...well-prepared...efficient shoppers (like me)

2) a penalty for those who didn’t trained their children well while coming for shopping (ie: sent them to the back of the queue)

3) a nice free cup of tea for those who got all their necessary items as quickly as possible…have a definite set of mind of what to buy and never seek for the cashier helper help…

4) a training course for first time shoppers (as few always seems new in the plaza and always ask you for way to the different items) to learn about 'moving efficiently'

I am not at all a grumpy shopper but...hey... time's precious and cup of tea after shopping is quite an experience... constantly getting delayed in a queue by people who are oblivious ....that can be torturous...hmm....

Happy Shopping !